L1, R2, Freddy's Coming For You...

The only good thing Jackie Earle Haley has contributed to A Nightmare On Elm Street. And I'm pretty sure most fans will be pretending that they're playing as the Robert Englund Freddy anyway. I never thought I'd be writing this, but I'm glad I am: Freddy Krueger is available as DLC in the latest Mortal Kombat game. And as if that wasn't awesome enough (it is) God Of War's Kratos has come out to play too.

So the first thing I did after downloading Freddy was to fire up 'ladder mode' (a series of fights without any of that pesky cut-scene business) and commence slicing the shit out of the Earth Realms or whatever with Freddy's gloves. Yes, gloves. He's brought two, because he's serious about winning this Mortal Kombat malarky. There are about 12 rungs on the ladder mode, and I got Freddy's arse handed to me a bunch of times, but not once did I change character. Playing as Freddy Krueger in a Mortal Kombat game is even better than playing as Batman in a Mortal Kombat game. In fact, the only way it could have been better is if Mortal Kombat were to bring the Justice League back into the fold. I think I could probably die happy seeing Batman stomping Freddy Krueger's head unto Heroic Brutality. Once I wrote a fanfic comic book in which Batman fought Freddy. See, Freddy is bothering Robin's dreams, and the Dark Knight has to sort out the Dream Demon before it's too late. In the end, the Sandman turns up and banishes Freddy to nightmare hell. My own crappy fanfic is probably the closest I will ever come to seeing Batman fight Freddy Krueger. Whatever however, meanwhile, Kratos.

Obviously, it's hilarious watching Freddy slice the shit out of Kratos (and vice versa) but the most fun to be had in the game is in teaming the two together. A Freddy and Kratos sandwich, with some unfortunate soul in the middle. There's a 'tag team' mode, identical to the sort found in Marvel vs Capcom. It's better than Marvel vs Capcom in that the fighting is more visceral; every punch actually feeling like a punch. The best bit is in seeing Freddy take a beating and then, just as he's about to die, swapping him for Kratos. Like that bit in Freddy vs Jason where Kelly Rowland gets slammed into a tree.

Even if you're not going to play as Freddy or Kratos, Mortal Kombat is an enjoyable game. It's violent, addictive and incredibly gory. Following their disappearance from Mortal Kombat vs DC Universe (not even Mortal Kombat can convince stickler Batman to break his One Rule) the fatalities are back. And babalities too. I didn't even know there was such a thing as a 'babality' until now, but I LOL'd when Kratos did one. Although you might wanna keep an eye on Freddy if you're gonna have kids around. He's got skin like that for a reason, y'know.

The story mode is a load of cock though, full of unskippable cut scenes and people fighting for the flimsiest reasons. Play the Ladder instead; Mortal Kombat's story is dull, stupid and a chore to wade through. Neither Freddy or Kratos appear either. Shao Kahn is the final boss and says things like "it's official: you suck" and variations therein. With the apparent lexicon of an amateur blogosphere critic, I'm guessing that Shao Khan was in charge of deciding the title. "IT'S SPELLED COMBAT WITH A K, NOOBS. THAT MAKES IT SOUND EXTREME." Indeed. Otherwise, Mortal Kombat is extremely good.

Dead Rising 2: Off The Record

What would Dead Rising 2 have been if it had starred original Dead Rising protagonist Frank West instead of glum, whiny Chuck Greene? At once the same and more fun. Off The Record is a re-imagining in the style of an old Marvel 'What If?' comic or DC 'Elseworld' tale. Myself, I spent most of the cut scenes being distracted by how much Frank looks like Dan Aykroyd.

In the story itself, very little has changed. There's the same overriding arc, albeit with a few surprises and changes along the way to suit the different personalities in protagonists. With Frank comes his camera, meaning that you have the opportunity to photograph events as you experience them. You can earn points and trophies therein, adding a little variation to gameplay. Also added are a few new weapons to build and an all-new environment to play in. A small funfair sits off the Strip, where you can amuse yourself by jumping on a rollercoaster and pretending you're doing Zombieland. A checkpoint mechanism has been brought to the game, making psychopath battles less infuriating - but also less tense and rewarding when completed.

But the biggest improvement comes with a sandbox mode, doing away with the story and the ticking clock and any need to find Zombrex. There are medals to be won and cash to earn, but mostly it's an excuse to cut loose and trash some zombies. There's an achievement to kill 100,000 zombies. But by the time you've done that, you'll probably never want to play the game again. Zombie killing gets old eventually, even when you do it with as much style as Frank West.

I honestly wish that Off The Record had come out before Dead Rising 2. It's a much improved playing experience, making the game even more fun and a little less broken. But there's no ignoring that it's exactly the same story. After the initial joy of playing as Frank wears off, it settles down and you find yourself going through the same old motions as Chuck Greene only a year previously. It's even more frustrating in that I was on a third playthrough of Dead Rising 2 when Off The Record was released. Off The Record makes Dead Rising 2 redundant whilst also being a little redundant itself.

If you've not played Dead Rising 2, skip that game, add an extra Scream Queen to the score below and go straight for Off The Record. It's the definitive Dead Rising experience.

I got an Iphone. Also, reviews.

Less a set of reviews and more an excuse to brag about the fact that I bought an Iphone this week, joining the masses just like Commander Riker in that episode of Star Trek where everyone gets addicted to a fancy Nintendo except Wesley Crusher. I wish I could say that I was brainwashed into it, but I always wanted an Iphone, just never had the money for it. Well this week, I also got made redundant, and with that came an obscenely large redundancy package. It's like getting paid to quit a job I hated. With that money, I bought an Iphone.

Being a horror idiot, the first two things I did were to download some Friday The Thirteenth wallpaper and then type 'Evil Dead' into an apps search. They do have an app for that, as it happens. Two apps; Evil Dead and Army Of Darkness.

Ash has never looked so cute as he does in the Evil Dead game, with speech bubbles and a wee bobble head. The interface takes some getting used to, using your thumbs to both move Ash and aim his boomstick. Even after an hour or so of playing, I found myself screwing up with some regularity. Better is the axe and chainsaw. Ash doesn't just have Deadites to worry about, but evil trees, bitey plants and angry monks too. There are two story modes - the plot of the first Evil Dead film and then something called 'winter'. Which is a sequel set in the snow and with evil monks trying to kill you and steal the Necronomicon. I'd rather they just did the plot of Evil Dead II, but this weird sequel is fun enough. For something under £3, Evil Dead is well worth a playthrough. Although Bruce Campbell doesn't do any voice effects, which is a shame. Especially when one considers that the game is marketed as official.

Army Of Darkness is both free and a lot more addictive than Evil Dead. It's a side-scrolling bit in which you have to defend your castle against an army of the dead. In addition to Ash, you can call upon soldiers to help you, as well as other characters from the film. It's repetitive but incredibly addictive. Even better, it uses soundbytes from the movie and has you twatting skeletons with a chainsaw hand. Where I may never play Evil Dead again, I possibly will never stop playing Army Of Darkness. For a mobile phone game, it has better graphics than the movie itself. You earn coins by holding back the hordes of Deadites; coins which you spend on upgrades and troops. You can buy a pit to throw the monsters in and when Ash shouts "klaatu, barada... necktie" a little necktie appears around his neck. The game is full of nice wee touches like that.

It's getting to the stage where I get angry whenever someone calls or texts me. Damn reality, getting in the way of my Evil Deadding.

State Of Emergency

This review comes straight from the frontline of the riots in Birmingham.

Despite Monday and last night's considerable looting and rioting shenanigans, today was business as usual for the shop where I work. Because it's mostly shit and mostly well-hidden, the rioter bastards left us and our windows alone. Almost disappointed. Our shop not good enough for you? To be fair, I work in a camping shop. I don't think those involved are interested in camping anywhere, except maybe on Call Of Duty.

An odd atmosphere aside, work today progressed much as it usually does; lengthy periods of boredom, a lunch break and some screwing about when I was supposed to be working. I did get to leave early though, due to all businesses in the city centre being terrified of a repeat of the rioting.

As it happens, there's supposed to be more rioting on the streets of Birmingham tonight. Yesterday, people trashed Hatman and the music store next to my favourite comic book shop. I'm writing this from the confines of the safest place in the city; the only place we can be sure won't get looted - Waterstone's. Joking aside, "we're staying open," the booksellers said, "if they steal some books, they might learn something."

Claims that they cut the head off've The Bullring Bull emerged as Bullshit.

Before I got to leave work, I was visited by a charming gentleman in unmatching tracksuits who approached the counter and asked if we sell balaclavas. I don't think he was planning on going skiing. We had plenty of balaclavas, but I told him no. Such is my good deed for the day. On the bus to Waterstone's, I overheard a gang of undesirables describing their frustration at the world. No-one understands us, innit. Their point would have been more well made were they not drinking Special Brew and writing a shopping list of things to steal when the rioting starts again.

Those interested in the riots can follow its progress here. It allegedly began because of the death of a maybe gangster man in London at the hands of the po-lice during a possible shootout. (it's since been claimed the police fired first). Tensions between the police and government vs our 'underclasses' have been brewing in the UK for a while now, so this isn't entirely surprising. It's lovely that the yoof of today are so politically-minded, but I can think of better ways to make a point than trashing the shit out of JJB Sports. Also, if you need a really big bag of Basmati rice for whatever reason, the stuff's cheap enough for you to not have to loot it. Especially at Tesco's.

I only started using twitter properly a few months ago (@JoelHarley) but apparently the rioters are using it in conjunction with their Blackberrys to organise it all. They might be from working-class backgrounds and council estates, but at least they can afford a decent mobile phone.

The only experience I have with looting or rioting is with State Of Emergency, an early Rockstar game which puts you right in the middle of an inner city riot, trying to cause as much trouble as possible. It was released to the usual amount of outrage on the Playstation 2 in 2002. It was amusingly violent and stupid, but ultimately the sort of game that one can only play for a maximum of twenty minutes before getting bored. Also, I'm kinda crappy at videogames, so I got stuck on the second level. I got bored and traded it in for something like Crash Bandicoot. I do remember enjoying things like the flamethrower and hurling benches at people. The graphics were pretty good too, and there was a Grand Theft Auto sensibility to the humour, if a bit more infantile.

Much like running grannies over probably isn't really as fun as it is on Carmageddon, rioting is much less fun in reality than State Of Emergency led me to believe. That said, I am on the receiving end. I don't think I'd fit in with my Converse and correct punctuation. How am I supposed to function as an alcoholic if all the pubs and off licences are shut? I'm beginning to think that I need to re-examine my relationship with videogames. This is worse than that one time I got murdered as a result of someone playing Manhunt.

The game is good. Real rioting, not so good.

Naughty Bear

How exactly does one fuck up a premise like Naughty Bear? Essentially Friday The Thirteenth with teddy bears, Naughty Bear sounds on paper like the Best Thing Since Ever. In reality, it isn't. It's actually one of the worst games I've ever played. What should be Manhunt with teddy bears ends up as like Rugrats (that version for the PS1) with teddy bears. Naughty Bear, despite its adult ambitions, is every bit as facile, boring, stupid and essentially unplayable as a children's game.

Disclaimer: Naughty Bear is nothing like Rugrats for the PS1. I actually really enjoyed Rugrats on the PS1. Especially the golf minigames. And I was something like 15 at the time (what, mother wouldn't let me play Resident Evil). What I'm saying is that Rugrats was good and this isn't.

I played the first two levels of Naughty Bear and gave up after that. In the first level, you discover that all the teddy bears on, idunno, Teddy Bear Island, are holding a party and Naughty isn't invited. Despite Naughty Bear being a naughty ol' bear, the other bears treat him pretty shitty. So they got it coming. Anyway, the purpose of the game is to punish the bearstards who've wronged you by terrifying them out of their fur and killing them one by one. Like Arkham Asylum except not good or fun or playable.

So you're encouraged to stalk your victims and scare them into either insanity or suicide. You do this by breaking windows, sabotaging their teddy bear electronics and screaming in their faces. Actually, the screaming is the best bit. You sneak up on someone, grab it (occasionally even holding a blade to its neck) and scream into its face. Makes me LOL every time, despite the amount of shit you have to put up with to get to that point.

The graphics are pleasant but unpolished. The voice acting and animations are amusing but in no way worth sitting through for the repetitive, dull and glitchy gameplay. It's frustratingly difficult - or at least, you won't want to give the time it takes to become good at it - and the levels are linear and samey. You'll spend about half an hour trying to force yourself to like Naughty Bear, but all in vain. It defies likeability.

Do not let anyone or anything fool you into thinking otherwise: Naughty Bear is not a good game. Don't listen to that nagging thought in the back of your mind that says "it's got a teddy bear murdering other teddy bears with a fucking axe". Don't even let the fact you can unlock a hockey mask sway you. I really wanted to love it, but Naughty Bear is just unBearable.

Splatterhouse (2010)

Both frustrating and fun in equal proportions, Splatterhouse is a bloody old-school romp through HP Lovecraft territory that makes up with gory excess what it lacks in originality. You play as Rick Taylor. Visiting a creepy old mansion with your girlfriend, Jenny, you are violently murdered and she kidnapped. Thank the Old Ones for spooky voodoo type masks.

You're resurrected and turned into a ridiculously overpowered (although not so overpowered that you don't die all the fucking time) Hulk type monster, determined to rescue Jenny from the clutches of Dr. Henry West (of Re-Animator fame, although they've changed the first name). You'd be better served forgetting about the plot though. Splatterhouse is the sort of game where you rip off enemies' arms and then batter things with them. Kind of like God Of War on stupid pills.

At first, Splatterhouse doesn't seem to be anything special. You'll be charging through level after level, battering things and tearing them apart with your bare hands. The third-person arcade style beat em' up gameplay is very reminiscent of Wolverine: Origins (right down to a speedy healing factor and a requisite 'rage' mode). But unlike Wolverine, there's a surprising variety to Splatterhouse. No two levels are really the same. I mean, most of them are set in West's mansion, but you'll visit post-apocalyptic futures and spooky fairgrounds too. In a reference to its low-fi origins, the game occasionally cuts to a side-scrolling mode, which is enjoyable and thankfully quite sparing in its use. At its best, Splatterhouse is a tremendous amount of fun.

But what sets Splatterhouse apart from the rest is its very Lovecraftian aspirations. I'm an enormous HP Lovecraft fan, and Splatterhouse is like playing through (a dumbed down) version of one of the author's stories. Albeit without the racism.

The creatures you'll battle are a nasty lot. There are fire-breathing clowns, giant dolls, giants, zombies and assorted slimy bastards. There are enough creatures with tentacles and annoying Fish Monsters to drive home the Lovecraft influence.

Unfortunately, there are a few too many technical problems to make this a truly great game. Splatterhouse has quite a high level of difficulty, which is fine in itself (I enjoy a challenge) but when one factors in the lengthy loading times - which occur every time you die - it becomes a little irritating. Likewise, the checkpoint system is unevenly spaced and inspires much swearing. Despite unlockables and trophies, there's not much in the way of replayability (I never understand games with an unlockable hard mode), unless you're a bit of a trophy whore (guilty as charged) or really want to get everything you can from Splatterhouse.

I came for the gore but stayed for the Lovecraft. It's a fine game. Sometimes, after a stressful day at work, all you want to do is rip off a zombie clown's arms and bludgeon another zombie clown to death with them. And Splatterhouse is fine for that.

Dante's Inferno

Director: Vincent Cook, Mike Disa, et al (2010)

Starring: Graham McTavish, Vanessa Branch, Steve Blum, Mark Hamill

Find it: IMDB, Amazon

At last stepping out from the shadow of God Of War and doing something of its own initiative (although Dead Space did it first), Dante stars in his first full-length animated feature. Dante's Inferno adapts the videogame and (very liberally) bits of the poem to chronicle Dante's journeys through the Circles Of Hell. Although he dies considerably less than when he did controlled by my thumbs and doesn't have to look at walkthrough guides to work out the puzzles.

If you've played Dante's Inferno, then watching the movie feels somewhat odd. Where the Dead Space thing served as a prequel to Isaac's adventures, Dante's Inferno merely tells a story we've already seen. Firsthand. You'll watch as Dante returns home from the crusades to find the love of his life dead. You'll see him descend to Hell and do battle with all manner of demons, parasites and horrible things. As he battled Minos, I kept expecting button prompts to flash up as Real Time Events. Although I don't remember running away from all of those unbaptised babies. The funnest thing about the videogame was absolving Hell's atheists and evildoers and punishing the wrongly imprisoned. Yes, even videogame me is a bastard.

As Dante jumps from Circle to Circle (in a manner of speaking. This isn't a platformer) the animation switches to a new director. It works well, keeping the movie from becoming too stale and ensuring that there's a style to suit most tastes. I wasn't a fan of the slender, feminine looking Dante but another, gruffer looking chap was soon along to fill the gap. It doesn't jar as much as one might think it does and quite suits the story's style. Kudos, by the by, to the IMDB for listing Virgil Alghieri as chief writer.

Like the videogame itself, Dante's Inferno will win no prizes for originality. It follows the plot of the game pretty stringently (save for a few nice surprises and a cameo from Hitler) and never really feels like a stand-alone feature in its own right. It's perfectly accessible to non-gamers, but fans of classic literature will be sorely disappointed.

Dead Rising 2

In a city that looks like Las Vegas but isn't Las Vegas, stuntman motorcross person Chuck Greene battles zombies for others' entertainment. A bit like that scene with Asia Argento and the cage in Land Of The Dead, except with chainsaws and motorbikes and cheesy cutscenes. No sooner has Chuck hit the showers than the zombies break out and take the city by storm. Chuck and daughter Katey hide in an underground bunker whilst they wait for the military to arrive. But, as always, there are complications. Katey is infected and needs anti-zombification drug Zombrex every 24 hours. And also, Chuck's been framed as the outbreak's cause. Can he (you) save his daughter, clear his name and survive the next 80ish hours? Or will you spend all of your valuable time dicing and slicing zombies with a lightsaber?

Yes, a fucking lightsaber.

No, it doesn't make the noise. But it's still a fucking lightsaber and you'll spend all of your time chopping zombies to bits with it. Occasionally, if you feel like it, you'll rescue a couple of survivors and battle some psychopaths too. But mostly you'll be hacking zombies up with a lightsaber.

Dead Rising 2 is a free-roaming sort of affair. There's a storyline and objectives, but it's up to you whether you partake in anything, or simply wander aimlessly around battering zombies with a series of ridiculous implements and tools. The sheer amount of weapons and possibilities therein are the game's strongest point. Literally anything you see can be used as a weapon against the zombie hordes. A chainsaw is obviously going to be more effective than a pair of scissors or a dildo, but the option's there if you want it. And the myriad of tools you're given can be combined to double the awesomeness. From nailed baseball bats to chainsaw paddles to beer hats to boxing gloves with knives on, Dead Rising 2 delivers the best zombie killing action ever seen in a computer game. It harkens back to Zombies Ate My Neighbour and such filmic delights as Zombieland or Shaun Of The Dead. The emphasis on inventive slaughter by Capcom is a very wise move and will win the game a lot of fans, as will its very George Romero-ish sense of humour.

But where it fails - and fail it occasionally does - is in its terribly cheesy cut-scenes, ridiculously hard psychopath boss battles, underpowered guns, strict deadlines and a map that takes ages to traverse. Its save point system will annoy some, although it's reportedly better than that of the original Dead Rising, and the controls can be a little fiddly at time. The whole thing is nearly derailed by the sheer amount of load screens which pop up at frustrating regularity.

But there's a lot to like and a lot more to love. The kill counter is a lovely little addition. The outfit changes offer much amusement (destroying zombies dressed as a cowboy or in one's grundies brought me hours of giggles) as do the delightfully grotesque characters and boss battles. Yes, they're too hard, but psychopaths such as Chef, Slappy and a PVC chainsaw Pig look quite wonderful. Dead Rising 2 is doubtlessly a little bit broken, but should you take the time to look for and enjoy the fun bits, you'll learn to love it in spite of its unfortunate flaws.

If you've not played it, however, a 're-imagining' was released, starring the original game's Frank West. It's called Off The Record and is a superior game. Ignore this one, and fill your boots with that instead.

Did I mention the FUCKING LIGHTSABER?

Batman: Arkham Asylum (videogame review)

Warning: this review contains a seismic amount of fanboy gushing. Those easily sickened would be better off elsewhere. You have been warned.

Holy Batman Begins! It’s a genuinely actually really good videogame starring the Dark Knight! Superman aside, it’s hard to think of a superhero property with a worse reputation where shitty videogame tie-ins are concerned. Not since the Nintendo’s Batman Returns has there been a decent Batman game. DC vs Mortal Kombat made Batboob look good, but that was a team beat em’ up as opposed to a proper Batman game, and he was hidden amongst the JLA anyway, so it wasn’t even his game.

So hopes were high for Rocksteady’s Arkham Asylum. Indeed, this Batfan/gamer hasn’t awaited a computer game so eagerly since last year’s GTA4. £40 is a lot of money to spend on a game… but Arkham Asylum is worth every penny.

The action kicks off with Batman delivering the Joker back to the titular Arkham Asylum after yet another bout of criminal escapades. In a semi-playable cutscene, you follow the Joker through Arkham as the guards take him down to his cell. And then obviously, inevitably, the Clown Prince of Crime breaks free. Soon, to coin a cliché, the inmates are running the asylum. Joker, Harley Quinn, Killer Croc, Bane and numerous others are all out to get you. What’s a Dark Knight to do?

Well, there are two main sides to the gameplay; Splinter Cell/Metal Gear Solid style sneaking about; and an arcade style beat em’ up component, which is both incredibly easy and incredibly fun to use. There’s one button to ‘strike’, one to ‘counter’, and one to ‘stun’ (largely unused, save for the more awkward enemies, who wield knives and electric baton things). While it’s a simplistic system, it works well, and takes practice – simply hammering ‘strike’ or ‘counter’ won’t get you anywhere – it’s all about the timing.

The stealth sections are a lot harder to pull off, but infinitely cool-looking when done right. Since Bats is pretty much powerless against gun-toting enemies, you have to either take them from behind (nudge nudge, wink wink, oh fuck off) or drop down on them with a nicely powerful kick to the face. These bits can be a pain in the ass, but are supremely satisfying when carried out well.

A third aspect to the gameplay has you solving riddles. The Riddler doesn’t properly appear in the game, but is more or less constantly in touch with you throughout, asking you to solve silly little puzzles like “finding Zsasz’s work” and working out whether Tommy Elliot (that’s ‘Hush’, as dedicated Bat-fans will know) ever worked at Arkham. It’s an interesting diversion, and solving the riddles unlocks a number of sharply illustrated character profiles and ‘models’.

The graphics are as good as you could ever want - particularly the character models. You’ll spend ages just circling Batman with the camera; so faithfully and impressively is he captured. Likewise, the voice acting is top notch. Kevin Conroy and Mark Hamill reprise their roles as Batman and the Joker from the Animated Series. It adds further authenticity to the proceedings.

For those of you that think Arkham Asylum has no place on a horror website, think again. Some parts of the game are actually underwear-drenchingy scary. This is one game that really earns its ‘15’ certificate.

What else? Well, there’s the gadgets, the detective vision… the cameos by less famous Arkham residents. There’s an unlockable armoured Batsuit – Arkham Asylum is packed with fanboy Bat-spunk inducing little features. In terms of geek wish-fulfilment, Arkham Asylum beats the recent Ghostbusters into the ground and buries it alongside Jason Todd.

On the flipside of the Bat-coin, there are one or two minor niggles. The plot has a slight tendency to wander into videogame-cliché territory, and the boss battles are pretty generic and uninspired. On a geekier note, I’d have liked to see a much larger range of baddies – I wanted Two-Face damn it!!! But it’s hard to make digs at a game of this quality.

The rating?

Best Batman game. Ever.

Ghostbusters: The Game (PS3 review)

Thanks to the joy of computer games, we are spared fat, old Ghostbusters and instead get them in their prime. You are the newest recruit, fighting alongside Egon, Venkman, Ray and Winston. You’ll battle ghostly figures new (annoying great golems) and old (Stay-Puft! The Librarian!) You’ll also get to catch up with the likes of Janine and Walter Peck. It’s like Ghostbusters III… only not. And no, you can’t drive Ecto-1.

Set two years after the much-maligned events of Ghostbusters II, we find the Ghostbusters recruiting for a technician to try out their newest, most dangerous equipment. You play that technician. Since you don’t have any lines (or even really interact with anything besides ghosts) it’s up to you to simply follow the chaps around like a third-wheel, getting excited every time Ray congratulates you on a job well done.

The ‘plot’ is computer-game standard. A maguffin is on the loose, freeing a bunch of ghosts from your containment unit, whilst also opening doorways to new dimensions. All this seems to be somehow linked to Venkman’s newest squeeze (not Dana Barrett, and played by Alyssa Milano) and the Ghostbusters have to figure out what’s going on and how to stop it. It's thin, but then, nobody cares about the plot, do they?

There are two main elements to enjoying Ghostbusters: The Game. The first is strapping on a great big proton pack and getting to unleash some serious wish fulfilment on the world. The second is getting the gang back together. All the original Ghostbusters are back – from the notoriously reticent Bill Murray right down to the underused Ernie Hudson.

The best thing about the game is that it completely feels like a Ghostbusters film. It’s equal parts funny, scary and thrilling. And it’s so in-keeping with the movies’ spirit (aha, spirit… GET IT…. no pun intended though) that poor old Winston doesn’t make an appearance until well after the first act.

Playing with the ‘Busters equipment never gets old. Despite several new weapons you get later on, the proton pack remains the most fun to use. It works exactly as it does in the movies – first you’ll want to weaken the ghosties by blasting at them with your proton steams, before wrangling them in a ‘capture’ stream. As the ghouls try to break loose, you’ll be forced to bash them against walls and floors and suchlike – completely destroying the brilliantly destructible environments in the process. Other weapons include a slime gun and variants on shotgun and rocket launcher (all of which your pack niftily transforms into). The weapons are useful and generally fun to experiment with. Although fuck, why wouldn't they let me drive Ecto-1????

Unfortunately, it’s not all as perfect as one might hope. The voice acting ranges from brilliant (Ackroyd, Hudson) to bored (Murray). Harold Ramis’s Egon is great but underused, too often reduced to barking orders and instructions (he even comments on this fact in a behind-the-scenes video). AI is also disappointingly off. In battle, your fellow Ghostbusters tend to be completely useless, and you’ll spend great heaps of time reviving them from their injuries. It’s also a little disheartening to see your childhood heroes flailing about on their backs, calling for help every few minutes (Murray’s cries of “little help, yo, little help?” inparticular, gets annoying fast).

It’s also a bit too linear. There’s generally only one route through all the levels, and when there is a wee deviation, it inevitably leads only to a collectible item of some sort. The story, as mentioned earlier, could have used a little work. The game tends to spend too much time revisiting past glories (the hotel, the library, the museum… the hotel again) where a little inventiveness might have been welcomed. So, as such, it’s the levels set in the Ghost World and Lost City that work best. All too often there’s a feeling that you’re just plodding through levels just to get to the next cut-scene.

Ghostbusters: the Game, then, is something of a mixed bag. Whilst it stands head and shoulders above such lazy tie-ins as Superman Returns or Batman Begins, it’s also a little too linear to glory in the greatness of The Warriors or even Spider-man 2. Fans of the movies will no doubt love it, whilst the indifferent will perhaps find it too repetitive and linear to rate the full £40 price tag. Ghostbusters: the Game comes highly recommended by this fan, whilst also suggesting that you wait for the price to come down first… or perhaps just a weekend rental.



4/5 screaming Scream Queens!!!