K3: Prison of Hell

Director: Andreas Bethmann (2009)

Starring: Suzi-Anne, Candy-Sue, Bianca Germany

Find it: IMDB

Describing the plot of K3: Prison of Hell to a relative, I may have accidentally given off the impression that I am something of a psychopath or serial killer in training. In fact, as I tried to tactfully describe this movie to my Dear old Dad, the question "it's not a snuff film, is it?" may have been asked. It didn't help my case that K3: Prison of Hell was delivered to me via a friend, ordered from Germany and given on a nondescript DVD-RW. "It's definitely not snuff," I insisted, "snuff doesn't have an IMDB page."

That said, you won't find K3: Prison of Hell on Amazon, less because it's a snuff movie, (honest Dad, it's not) more because of all the giant cocks being sucked all over the place. Also, what with all the hardcore sexual violence, it's probably illegal here in the UK. Not snuff, though. The word 'torture porn' is bandied around horror movie territories with depressing regularity (not by me, except for when I use inverted commas) but in the case of K3: Prison of Hell, that's about right. This movie consists of nothing but torture and pornography, neither of which is particularly well done. 

The plot has lots of women in prison (it's never explained why) while the guards go around raping them all the time. I had never seen a Prison Exploitation movie before (apparently The Shawshank Redemption and Schindler's List don't count) so I Googled Prison of Hell to see what I was in for. One of the first pictures I found was of an arm shoved all the way up a poor lady's arse. Most of the action consists of things going up arses or erections going into various other orifices (usually the face). This is brought to us by infamous exploitation director Andreas Bethmann; responsible for a number of other horror/porno movies, most of which have 'rape' in the synopsis. Also involved is special effects maestro, occasional director and chum of Uwe Boll, Olaf Ittenbach. The gore effects, when they come, are decent enough - there's a reasonable head explosion scene - but otherwise, Prison of Hell is just plain boring. If you've seen one cock sucked, you've seen them all. The mix of sexual violence, titillation and torture is horrid, but that's the point. The film knows its audience (Fetlife friends, aficionados of hardcore cinema and probably Mel Gibson) very well, and everyone else won't even know it exists in the first place. Given that I don't really enjoy pornography, I was doomed from the start.  

K3: Prison of Hell is unpleasant, ugly and dull. While it will appeal to those who enjoy that sort of thing, everyone else will be either horrified or nonplussed or both at the same time. It's not really the type of movie you assign a star rating to (unless you're in the business of reviewing pornography), but I'll do so anyway. Mostly so my Dad, in case he's Googling this, can be totally sure that I'm not a lunatic nutcase who gets off on that Andreas Bethmann's prison pornographies.

Look Dad, no stars:

The Frightened Woman

Director: Piero Schivazappa (1969)
Starring: Philippe Leroy, Dagmar Lassander, Lorenza Guerrieri

Find it: IMDB, Amazon

As the cover image above might suggest, The Frightened Woman is a movie so indelibly 1960s that it should be in a museum. Everything from the soundtrack to the costumes (check out that catsuit) right down to its flame-haired lead actress practically scream Austin Powers and free love. And then there's the extremely dodgy sexual politics which are as potentially offensive as they are ridiculous. It's an oddly compelling movie, if you can ignore the faults and some of the sillier bollocks. The dwarf, I thought, was particularly unnecessary.

Millionaire philanthrophist Dr. Sayer (Leroy) is a troubled man. Rather than become the crazed crimefighter sort of troubled millionaire, he opts to spend his weekends playing kinky S&M games with prostitutes. When one of his hooker pals calls in sick, Sayer has little option but to kidnap nearby journalist Maria (Lassander). Well, aside from going S&M cold turkey. He drugs Maria, takes her off to his country mansion and subjects her to his stupidest fantasies.

But it's okay because she secretly enjoys it a little bit. Yes really, or at least that's what the movie suggests at first. This first half of the movie plays out in a sleazy and misogynistic manner; glamourising Sayer's tortures and not really ever condemning him. As Maria seems to 'come around' to Sayer's way of thinking, it leaves a sour aftertaste. But to be fair, he does look like Daniel Craig and parade around in his underpants a lot, so you can see why a woman might be persuaded to stick around. Even at the risk of, y'know, being tortured to death.

Beware, here be spoilers. But then there comes an odd twist to the tale. As the Doctor goes to kill his pretty victim, he realises that he doesn't have it in him. Maria is spared, and the pair fall in love. He lightens up a bit and she teaches him the ways of consensual, conservative love. And yet here, as the movie becomes thematically more interesting, it turns downright dull everywhere else. There's a dwarf, a bit of footsie, a knight, some silly 1960s dancing, some swimming, a great big snappy vagina door and a fucking fashion montage. Which would all be fine if it didn't last about forty minutes and wasn't so terribly naff. It makes Adam West's Batman look subtle.

Sayer's redemptive arc and a final twist dents The Frightened Woman's misogyny and explains a couple of plot holes. It even allows itself a few feminist aspirations, in a misguided kind of way. If I Spit On Your Grave can get itself hailed as a feminist masterpiece, The Frightened Woman certainly isn't too far beyond the pale. It's far from transgressive, but at least makes an effort. It's a ridiculous movie and is too self-indulgent at times, but the strangeness and pervasively perverse atmosphere make up for its numerous faults.