The Woman

Director: Lucky McKee (2011)

Starring: Sean Bridgers, Pollyanna McIntosh, Carlee Baker, Angela Bettis

Find it: IMDB

I'm already a moviegoer in the minority that I didn't hate Andrew van den Houten's Offspring. It wasn't particularly good, but I was able to overlook the film's faults and enjoy it for the silly, gory bit of cannibal torture guff that it is.

More people are going to enjoy The Woman than they did Offspring, for The Woman is technically a good film. The story is a lot more original and more memorable, the acting is all around better and the film's villains don't look stupid. That said, those who don't like The Woman are going to be a lot more vocal about why they don't like The Woman than those who don't like Offspring. Case in point: this review and that one guy you saw on Youtube who got angry at a screening.

A sequel to Offspring (although you don't need to have seen that film to understand what's going on), The Woman sees the lone survivor (McIntosh) of a cannibalistic clan captured by Chris Cleek (Bridgers), an apparently normal lawyer intent on 'civilising' her. Except the men of the Cleek household turn out to be far more savage than the actual savage. See, this is one of those horror movies with a message.

The cinematic equivalent of Marmite (and by that, I don't mean that it's banned in Sweden), you're either going to love or hate this one. I thought that it was very good, but can definitely understand the viewpoint of those in the opposite camp. Its well-intentioned sexual politics may seem outwardly misogynistic to those inclined towards sensationalism; especially given that every woman in the film undergoes either a beating, rape or death. McKee and Ketchum are trying to drive the point home that men are bastards, and this unfortunately comes at the detriment of the female characters' well-being. I do not think that The Woman is a misogynistic movie.

As an adaptation of the novel, it's as straight as you can get. I really enjoyed the book too, and was disappointed that the short story/epilogue The Cow wasn't included. The Cow is the best bit in the book. Anyway, this adaptation adds things like cheesy music, really gross visuals and Angela Bettis. Reviews I've read (well, reviews longer than "go fuck yourself") criticise The Woman for its naff soundtrack. I liked the naff soundtrack. It fits in with the blackly comic tone and lightens things up a bit, making for a (slightly) less depressing experience.

The Woman isn't as clever as other arthouse torture guffers Martyrs and A Serbian Film, but it does have more to say for itself than The Human Centipede (and likely that film's sequel too). I really don't agree with rape as a plot device (ew, Deadgirl) but this does try to back it up with some sort of empowerment, even if the message leaves room to be misconstrued via the unpleasant content. The catharsis, when it comes, feels genuine and is a real adrenaline blast.

The Woman is a highly divisive movie, but one you need to see for yourself before you condemn it. For me, it's one of the best horror movies of the year.

The Lost

Director: Chris Sivertson (2006)

Starring: Marc Senter, Shay Astar, Alex Frost, Megan Henning

Find it: IMDB, Amazon

Like his Girl Next Door, Jack Ketchum's The Lost is not strictly a horror movie. But it contains such disturbing scenes of violence and cruelty that it's completely horrifying in the most human sense of the word.

One night, just for shits and giggles, 19-year-old Ray Pye (Senter) breaks out his rifle and shoots two innocent, unsuspecting teenage girls. Complicit but uneasy are his friend Tim (Frost) and occasional girlfriend Jennifer (Astar), who help him cover up the crime. Four years later, and the gang seem to have gotten away with their crime. Everyone knows that it was Ray what done it, but no-one can prove a thing. Detective Charlie Schilling (Michael Bowen) is determined to bring Ray to justice, dogging the lad to his wits' end. But will his obsessional harassment of the kid lead Ray to do something even more terrible? It's certainly starting to look that way.

Like everything else the author has done, I loved The Lost. It's a hefty novel, juggling multiple characters and motivations. There's this tendency with Ketchum's books to make the villains a little too evil (Crazy Aunt in The Girl Next Door, Chris Cleek in The Woman) but his Ray Pye is almost sympathetic. As sympathetic as a multiple-murdering psychopath can be, anyhow. Ray is a bizarre creation - easily one of the most memorable literary villains in the genre - a quiff and makeup wearin', Elvis listenin', smooth talkin' kid who wears crushed beercans in his boots to make himself appear taller. He's a ridiculous boy, but charismatic and hypnotic all the same.

This doesn't translate to film too well. The Lost is a very faithful adaptation of the book, every bit as much as The Girl Next Door and Offspring. Whole strings of dialogue are repeated verbatim, and the characters are very faithfully recreated. This doesn't give everyone space to breathe; Pye has more than enough screentime, but his victims and lovers less so. The Lost may have worked better as a TV miniseries than a 90 minute movie. But no amount of runtime can make up for the fact that Marc Senter's Ray Pye steals literally every moment and scene of the movie. And not in a good way.

The book doesn't shy away from Ray's inherent ridiculousness, but the movie is overpowered by it. He's impossible to take seriously. In the book, there were glimpses of charisma and charm, but here he looks and sounds like a fool. I find it hard to believe one woman would give Ray the time of day, let alone the great many he has swooning over his every word in this film. He's not menacing, seductive or sympathetic. By the squealy, annoying finale, he's become an annoying mess of tics and nonsense. Marc Senter is fully channeling 90s-era Jim Carrey. So much so that I expected Ray to drop a "somebody stop me" or "smokin'" during all the climactic noise.

It's not that Senter is bad in this movie - quite the opposite - if anything, he's too good. His performance is uncomfortable to watch, veering between comic to tragic. He's never scary, although some of the things he does become quite affecting. None of the other characters or actors stand a chance.

Tonally, The Lost is all over the place. It has the tone of a comedy but the script and story of a crime drama, with the hard violence of a horror. Due to budgetary constraints, it's set in the modern day, but completely feels like a period 70s' piece. Maybe it's my own fault, reading the book so soon before watching the movie. It's gripping, well-directed and well-acted, but something never quite sits right with this adaptation. It simply feels a little... lost.

Red

Director: Trygve Allister Diesen, Lucky McKee (2008)

Starring: Brian Cox, Tom Sizemore, Noel Fisher

Find it: IMDB, Amazon

Stars Brian Cox as an ass-kicking old man. But this is not the Red you're thinking of. This is a far more subdued affair, with Cox quietly mourning the death of his beloved doggy Red and not making moves on any Dame Helen Mirrens.

Cox plays Avery Ludlow, a reclusive widower who lives a quiet life of fishing and relaxing with dog Red. During one fateful fishing trip, Ludlow and Red happen across a trio of delinquent youths who attempt to rob the old man. Out of spite, the most vicious of the kids (Fisher) shoots Red dead in the head. Seeking justice, Ludlow finds the boys' respective parents and appeals for them to do the right thing. The brats deny everything and the parents simply dismiss poor Ludlow. Still though, the old chap doesn't go as Harry Brown as one might expect. This is no average old-bloke-on-the-rampage movie.

Which is refreshing. I'd signed up to see Brian Cox blast ten shades of bollocks out of some hoodies, but what I got was something more fulfilling and even a little sweet. Ludlow, unlike Michael Caine or Charles Bronson isn't out for revenge; there's a difference between justice and vengeance, see, and Red realises this. So whilst there is violence, you'll find it avoidable at every turn. Ludlow is persistent and forceful, but not out for blood. At least, not initially.

If ever there was a brat to deserve the Could You Kill A Child treatment (answer: yes), it's Noel Fisher's Danny. Danny is a classic Jack Ketchum villain. With no redeeming features and easy to hate, he makes it very easy for us to root for Ludlow. And he's backed up by an even more despicable, sleazy Tom Sizemore. Robert Englund pops up in a surprising cameo as a sheepish father. Red is brilliantly acted, even by the kids and dogs. Red is the exception to that one rule about kids and animals.

It's one of the few Jack Ketchum novels I've not read (it's on my to-do list) but surprises with its subtlety and restraint. Even the emotion - I expected to be weeping like I did at Jurassic Bark - holds back a little. Which is good. I don't think I could handle this all over again:

At first I thought that Cox's Avery didn't seem to be particularly broken up by the death of Red, but you'll understand why over time. There's far more going on than the death of a dog. Shocking revelations are made. There's a fist-pumpin' moment with a baseball bat. Robert Englund wears a vest.

Red is the best adaptation of a Jack Ketchum novel so far. Dog lovers though, beware.

The Girl Next Door

Director: Gregory Wilson (2007)

Starring: William Atherton, Blythe Auffarth, Blanche Baker, Daniel Manche

Find it: IMDB, Amazon

No, not that one. No stranger to bondage or Captivity though she might be, Elisha Cuthbert is nowhere to be found in this adaptation of Jack Ketchum's The Girl Next Door. Jack Ketchum is maybe my favourite horror novelist of all time. It's always good to see a little recognition in adaptations such as this, Offspring, The Lost and the forthcoming The Woman.

That said, I find The Girl Next Door to be the hardest of his books to read. It's emotionally exhausting, a little too realistic and just bloody heartbreaking. There's a scene in which one of the boys makes their victim eat a poo. Scat is one of the few things I find hard to stomach (no pun intended) in my horror movies, so I'm glad they cut that bit from this adaptation. The physical torture has been toned down some, but the movie is every bit as hard-going as the book.

Sweet girl next door Meg is held captive in her abusive aunt's basement, mentally and physically tortured by both aunt Ruth and the neighborhood contingent of horrible boys. Exception to the rule is David, who is sweet on Meg and unsure of the morality of torturing her so. Eh, I would have thought it a fairly black-and-white moral dilemma, but then I guess most little boys are stupid in the head. David is so traumatised by what he sees that he grows up to be William Atherton from off've Ghostbusters and Die Hard. I suppose seeing such sights is bound to turn a guy into a professional asshole.

The problem with adapting the work of an author like Jack Ketchum is that his work is so powerful and insidious and gross (THEY FORCE-FEED HER A POO), that it rarely makes for a very nice movie. The Girl Next Door is thoroughly unpleasant and quite upsetting. You'll want to leap through your television screen and beat those shit kids and shit woman senseless. You'll want to slap little David for not intervening sooner. His procrastination hurts the film some; it's hard to sympathise with a character who takes such a long time to make such an obviously right decision. But I suppose his procrastinating is necessary for the plot to go on as it does.

The Girl Next Door does not make for cheerful viewing. It's bleak and depressing and nihilistic and Blythe Auffarth, as Meg, is just too adorably nice. This is horror at its raw and bleakest - this, like so much of Ketchum's work, explores the lengths to which human depravity is capable. If The Girl Next Door didn't depress you enough already, well... did I mention that it's based on a true story? For shame, humanity :'-(

Offspring

Director: Andrew van den Houten (2009)

Starring: Jessica Butler, Holter Graham, Ahna Tessler, Amy Hargreaves

Find it online: IMDB, Amazon

Based on one of my favourite horror novels since ever (although I do prefer the as yet unfilmed predecessor, Off-Season) Offspring has a lot to live up to. Jack Ketchum’s story concerns a family of cannibals, living on the coast of Maine (yes, Stephen King territory, but it’s better than that). They turn their focus on a nearby family and their house-guests, including a newborn baby. It’s a simple plot, but one that is executed excellently by Ketchum.

Well, Ketchum himself actually wrote the screenplay for the movie, which you'd expect to be a good sign. And it’s a good time to be a Jack Ketchum fan, what with recent adaptations of The Girl Next Door, Red and The Lost. He is, by a Maine mile, my favourite modern horror writer, and the more adaptations of his work the better. Those other movies are fine enough, but Offspring is the movie I was really waiting for.

Off the bat, it’s faithful enough to the book. Indeed, whole scenes are transposed literally from page to screen. The home invasion scene looks exactly how you’d imagine it from the description in the book. Bits are taken from the book’s predecessor too though, and there’s less emphasis on the baby-in-peril. There’s plenty of gore and violence, which is one thing Ketchum does very well. His writing is amongst the most gruesome and visceral you'll ever read. Unfortunately, such things are readily available in movies today, and the scenes of torture and violence in the adaptation aren’t really original enough to stand out. Loathe as I am to say it, it stinks of torture-guff here, which many will find either a turn-off or a bore. Although, hey, you’ve never seen anyone “eaten out” in quite that way before (unless you've seen this movies mightily superior sequel, The Woman).

Visually, Offspring is very similar to Wes Craven’s original Hills Have Eyes. It’s stripped-back and basic, with a very low-budget feel (helped, no doubt, by its very low budget). The cannibals, particularly, look very much like the cannibal family in the Hills Have Eyes. They’re very dirty and dreadlocky, and wear a lot of furs. They look a lot like cavemen, as anyone who’s bothered to read the books might expect.

Unfortunately, that look doesn’t really help the movie’s cause, because it’s as stupid as it sounds. The nasties are very overexposed, and it’s hard to be scared of a Year One reject. It’s a shame that the filmmakers didn’t follow a “less is more” approach, because some of it looks downright silly. I didn’t want to laugh at Offspring, but it certainly inspires such a reaction.

The civilised family here aren’t developed, interesting or likeable enough to ever care about. The cannibals arrive only moments after our protagonists are introduced, which isn’t enough time to form an attachment. There’s an abusive ex-husband and a few useless cops thrown into the mix, but none of the characters are particularly memorable.

Still, this is a very entertaining, if decidedly minor movie. Fans of the novel will appreciate its faithfulness, whilst many others will find much to enjoy in the way of cheesy camp and grotty gore. As a die-hard Ketchum fan, I did really enjoy Offspring. However, even that can't defeat the overriding feeling that it simply isn't all that special.