A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child

Director: Stephen Hopkins (1989)
Starring: Lisa Wilcox, Kelly Jo Minter, Robert Englund
Find it online: IMDB, Amazon UK, Amazon US

With all the artistic consideration of a Saw movie, The Dream Child was rushed out only a year after Freddy's last cinematic outing. Alas, Alice (Wilcox) is back, but this time she's slightly less irritating than she was in The Dream Master. She's got a son now, and he's got similar dream powers to his mother. Yay, magic children. Every franchise should have magic children. Magic fucking children definitely aren't annoying. Every great horror icon should be beaten at least once by a fucking magic fucking child. Although don't feel too bad, Freddy. Jason got himself killed by Corey Feldman. And not even a magic Corey Feldman. Just regular, annoying Corey Feldman.

But before he gets his ass whupped by Alice (again) and a child, Freddy acts like a ten-year-old with ADHD himself, turning into a motorbike and a superhero to kill a few cannon fodder teens. Yes, Freddy Krueger turns into a motorbike and a superhero in The Dream Child. There are one or two cool deaths too, but the line "faster than the bastard son of 100 maniacs" makes my ears cry every time (although it does make another - more embarrassed - side of me smile too). Robert Englund is the best thing about the movie, even when he's shamelessly overacting. Although you knew that already.

The Dream Child scores itself a lowly 2/5 screaming Scream Queens because it has Freddy Krueger pursuing his victims on a skateboard. Let the stupidity of that sentence sink in, then shoot over to the next review for Freddy's all-time (so far) stupidest movie. Freddy's Dead. No, not quite. But by the time you've finished with The Final Nightmare, you'll wish he was...

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