Director: Mark Tonderai (2009)
Starring: Will Ash, Christina Bottomley,
Find it online: IMDB, Amazon UK

Bickering British couple Zakes (Will Ash) and Beth (Christina Bottomley) are distracted from their romantic troubles when Beth is kidnapped from a motorway service station, leaving Zakes to rescue her.

Like Haute Tension without much tension or Breakdown without The Kurt Russell, Hush is a formulaic, miserable little Brit-horror that struggles to stand up next to even Roadkill. And that movie had Paul Walker in it.

The problem is, we’ve seen so much of it before. Zakes notices a kidnap victim in the back of a big white truck on the motorway, and decides to follow, therefore alerting the kidnapper and drawing his wrath (Jeepers Creepers). After he bickers with girlfriend Beth, she disappears (Breakdown), leaving Zakes to chase the truck down the motorway, up until the kidnapper decides to get rid of his pesky pursuer (culminating in a bathroom stalk-and-chase similar to that seen in Haute Tension and probably half the horror movies you’ve ever seen). The movie climaxes in what looks like the killer from Wolf Creek’s hideout. And then, you’ll switch off your DVD player with a feeling of disgusted boredom not dissimilar to the aftermath of having watched The Hitcher remake…

But the difference between this and those movies is that Hush is British, and so therefore it always seems to be raining and everyone is fucking miserable. Being a straight Brit-horror, this means that the tone and cinematography is grimy, depressing and utterly humourless throughout.

The script is naff, and the acting not much better. None of the characters are particularly likeable; Zakes is a dedicated slacker, Beth a whingeing, cheating sulk. Her being kidnapped leads to a little arc in their relationship (Zakes has to work at something for once in his life) but you’ll probably hate them both too much to care anyway.

There are a few nice little touches and twists, albeit nothing spectacular. The killer works, and the cat-and-mouse bit at the end is done rather well. But sadly, the rest of the movie is all too average, and let down by its unlikeable characters and pedestrian acting.

2/5 screaming Scream Queens!!!

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