The Bunnyman Massacre

Director: Carl Lindbergh (2009)
Starring: Cheryl Texiera, Matthew Albrecht, Alaina Gianci
Find it: IMDB

If I whined at The Bunny Game for being too arty and pretentious (and I did, quite extensively) then The Bunnyman Massacre has the opposite problem - it's completely artless. Artless like me linking two completely unrelated movies together simply because they both have 'bunny' in the title. There's a reason it has the word 'massacre' in the title and a picture of a chainsaw on the poster though - The Bunnyman Massacre is an uncredited remake of The Texas Chain Saw Massacre with a man in a bunny costume and no headcheese. It is brainless. 

Dim teenagers drive out to the woods where they are menaced, first by an aggressive truck driver and then by a lunatic dressed in a bunny costume and wielding a chainsaw. I very much wanted to like The Bunnyman Massacre, since it utilises two of my favourite things: a madman dressed in a comically inappropriate costume, and chainsaws. But this is ruined by the fact that it also utilises one of my least favourite things: horrible filmmaking.  

There's a scene in which the youths beg for help from a woodland hillbilly who stands and shouts abuse at them like he's the Frenchman in Monty Python and the Holy Grail. The rest of the characters are the sort of relatives that even Leatherface wouldn't bunk with. They make the Firefly family look positively aspirational. There's the requisite hot daughter (who winds up being the most psychopathic of all), the deformed childlike idiot and the scary one who carries the chainsaw (in this case, Bunnyman). There's a scene in which  Bunnyman tortures a poor innocent soul whilst listening to classical music, then a bit in which the heroine is held captive, bound and gagged in the villains' lair.  

"Oh fuck, I'm literally trapped in a cliche!"

It's based on a true story, but only as far as The Texas Chain Saw Massacre was based on Ed Gein's crimes and The Bunnyman Massacre is based on The Texas Chain Saw Massacre. It's like Chinese Whispers but with chainsaws. I spent the whole film wondering what washing powder Bunnyman uses. Considering the amount of blood splattered about the place, that thing scrubs up good.

The Avengers

Director: Joss Whedon (2012)
Starring: Robert Downey Jr, Chris Evans, Mark Ruffalo, Chris Hemsworth
Find it: IMDB

Here in the UK by some trickery of Loki, The Avengers goes by another, much stupider name. I suppose Marvel wanted to disassociate this film with its 1998 incarnation. So ashamed are the studio of that Uma Thurman slash Ralph Fiennes bomb that even the character names have been changed for Joss Whedon's reboot. They're still fairly recognisable though: Scarlett Johansson can go around calling herself Black Widow all she wants, she's definitely playing the Emma Peel part. And jolly well she does it too. The role of Steed is vastly reduced, but Clark Gregg brings charm and stoicism to the character. Not an umbrella though, which is disappointing. 

Peel and Steed are minor characters though, compared to The Avengers' newest recruits. There's Iron Man (Downey Jr) who has a smart mouth and flies around in an iPod suit listening to Black Sabbath. Thor (Hemsworth) is a Norse God with a massive hammer and great designer stubble. Captain America (Evans) is a man out of time; a relic from World War II, he dresses like your granddad and calls ladies "ma'am". You reportedly wouldn't like Bruce Banner (Ruffalo) when he's angry, although his Hulk gets the funniest moments in the film. And Hawkeye (Jeremy Renner) has a bow and arrow. When Asgardian asshole Loki (Tom Hiddleston) threatens to take over the world, the Avengers must assemble to protect all humanity.   

Unless The Dark Knight Rises or Prometheus pull something pretty damn fantastic out of their respective bags, The Avengers is going to be my favourite film of 2012. It could never have matched my ridiculously high expectations, but it comes very, very close. As Thor and Iron Man began knocking lumps out of one another ("doth mother know you weareth her drapes?") I was giggling like a girl. And then, again, as Thor punched the Hulk in the face. Come the finale, I was beginning to know what multiple orgasm feels like.  

It's an imperfect epic: the plot is silly and a little saggy. Samuel L Jackson does nothing for me as Fury (I still dream of Clint Eastwood). I really wanted to see the whole team have to fight Hulk, not just Thor. Captain America feels like a guest star rather than one of the big hitters - and his costume looks awful. But it's just too spectacular for my nerdy soul to not wholeheartedly love. I hadn't thought much of Loki in Thor, but in The Avengers he feels like a genuine threat. And a foul-mouthed one, too. Its apocalyptic endgame is similar to that of Transformers: Dark of the Moon but in emphasising character over thrills and spills, it feels very different. If it's fun watching the Avengers fight amongst themselves (in a series of battles that feel very Marvel vs Capcom) it's fullt incredible to see them put aside their differences to become team-mates.

With The Avengers, Marvel may just have punched themselves into a mighty deep hole. The individual characters' sequels are soon to follow, but I don't know how satisfied I can be with just Captain America on his own, Thor riding solo or Tony Stark without his fellow Avengers to riff off've. With this wrapped and The Dark Knight Rises on the horizon, I really don't envy the next batch of superhero flicks.