Director: Darren Lynn Bousman (2006)
Starring: Tobin Bell, Shawnee Smith, Bahar Soomekh
Hoping to buy himself a few more hours of valuable whingeing time, Jigsaw kidnaps a doctor lady (Soomekh) and forces her to perform brain surgery. Meanwhile, a man that looks like Zach Galifianakis but isn't finds himself locked in a grotty underground maze. Down there, Jigsaw hopes to force him to let go of past demons and stuff. But little does anyone know, the whole thing is an elaborate scheme
concocted by the big man himself to play at Alan Sugar. Saw III is essentially The Apprentice: The Movie, as the "big twist" is revealed that the whole thing is actually Amanda's final test. Except that instead of being fired she gets shot by Zach Galifianakis. Who (SPOILER) isn't actually in this movie. He's just really fat and has a beard and my brain can only handle one fat bearded man at a time.
Nowhere is my biggest problem with Jigsaw more evident than Saw III. Here his big life lessons are being taught to Geoff - a man still mourning his son. Apparently 'Saw finds mourning distasteful, because Geoff needs teaching to move on. Just piss off, already. Don't you have dolphins to swim with? Still, Saw III ties up enough loose ends and plot points to justify its existence and bring the story to a natural close.
Or so one might think. There's a further 3 (?) more stories to come yet. Well, this one story, told 3 (?) more times. A final bit is shoehorned in with Geoff's daughter, although they dropped that in favour of another apprentice story. And alas, more Jigsaw, not shutting the fuck up from beyond the grave. It's a shame that Amanda buys it in this episode, since I'd much rather have followed her in future instalments than I would (??????)* It's a bit of a mess, but still watchable enough and not yet buried beneath the heaps of horseshit and lazy flashback fuckery that would follow.
Enjoy those 3/5 screaming Scream Queens, Saw fans. It's the most you'll be seeing in a very long time - until maybe (but probably not) Saw 3D. Next up is Jigsaw's autopsy, (?) (?) and (?) followed by a twist. From this point onwards, it's all a blur.
* I actually don't know his name. And I physically don't care enough to check the IMDB.
