Splice

Director: Vincenzo Natali (2009)

Starring: Adrien Brody, Sarah Polley, Delphine Chaneac

Find it: IMDB, Amazon

Like a modern day Frankenstein crossed with Species (only better), Splice sees a husband & wife pair of scientists cross human with animal DNA to create a brand new species. Despite the fact that it's evolved from a slug, they make it wear a dress, call it Dren and make it live in a shed. And because the movie has vaguely erotic aspirations, everyone is sexy. Clive (Brody) and Elsa (Polley) have cool haircuts and dress like rockstars, whilst Dren (Chaneac) grows up to look a bit like Winona Ryder. If Brody spent less time straightening his hair and more time researching his experiments, maybe things wouldn't go as wrong as they do in Splice.

Splice is a refreshing change from recent horror movies in that the bodycount is relatively low, there's no torture and there's at least an attempt to create empathy in the characters. The story chugs along nicely with enough creepy interludes and interesting creature designs to distract from the implausability of an actual scientific institute called 'NERD'. In the Frankenstein tradition, Dren is a sympathetic monster; as sinned upon as she is a sinner. You can feel it building towards a tragic climax and despite a little predictability, Splice doesn't disappoint.

That said, I wasn't really a fan of the characterisation, particularly where Sarah Polley's Elsa is involved. The archetypal broody woman bit feels unnecessary and some of her actions come as hard to swallow come the final quarter. Brody fares a little better as his arc attempts to make him less of an arse, but viewers might end up sympathising more with 'the monster' than Clive and Elsa. What sort of a name is Clive, anyway??* He even has a brother called Gavin. Remember when I said everyone is sexy? In every way except for the names, that is. I have grandparents with sexier names than Clive and Elsa.

Splice is a fun, inventive blend of sci-fi and horror that manages to revive the mad scientist genre without entirely revolutionising it. The scariest thing about Splice? How much I ended up fancying Dren. Yes, even after the final twist.

* Thanks to Jenn from Cavalcade Of Perversions for pointing out that the names come from Bride Of Frankenstein. Note to self: do your research.

Eyes Without a Face

Le Director: Georges Franju (1960)
Le Starring: Pierre Brasseur, Alida Valli
Le Find it online: IMDB, Amazon UK, Amazon US

Eyes Without a Face is a French bit that, were it remade now, would be full-on torture porn, directed by a music video idiot and star Elisha Cuthbert. Here, a mad scientist type tries to ease his conscience and repair his daughter's mashed up face via transplant from one of his kidnap victims. Yes it's subtitled, and it's black and white. But shut up heathen, it's really quite good. And it proves that French horror existed and was good before the likes of Switchblade Romance. It makes a nice change reviewing a classic. After Vampires Suck, I needed something to restore my faith in humanity.

As touched upon in the paragraph above, the plot rather disappointingly doesn't have any eyeballs-on-stalks running around comitting murders. Instead the title refers to the daughter of demented surgeon Doc Gennesier (Brasseur) and her disfigured face. Assisted by a creepy henchwoman, the not-so-good doctor kidnaps nice young women (don't ask me, the IMDB considers it pertinent that his victims are 'nice') and cuts their faces off. Come to think of it, this movie is a lot like Face/Off, only without the John Woo gunfights and Nic Cage. While we're at it:

Predictable joke

Despite not having itself any modern CGI tricks or Tom Savini gore effects, the scenes of gruesomeness are every bit as disturbing as anything you'd find in a modern horror film. It has an excellently jaunty soundtrack slightly reminiscent of The Third Man, of all things, which really contasts against the atrocities onscreen and creates a wonderfully haunting atmosphere. This use of music, shadows and the characterisation of the Doc's disfigured daughter really give the thing an unnerving feel that no amount of gore or jump scenes could ever hope to muster. I suppose it helps that non-consentual surgery is a fucking terrifying concept, however you film it. And the surgery scenes here are done in a workmanlike, inglorious manner - more akin to an episode of Holby City or a documentary than a Saw or Hostel. When one considers that the scenes of surgical gore were revolutionary at the time, it'd seem we have a classic on our hands here. And one that, like George Romero's Night Of The Living Dead, has aged well like a fine wine or top notch whiskey.

So whether your eyeballs have a face or not, you should totally have them fixed on this movie.