You Asked For It: Timothy Olyphant's balls.

"My the what now?"

As a blogger, it's good practice to keep an eye on what the people want. To this end, I like to check out the search keywords feature on Blogger and a few other keyword analysis sites I use. Call it an invasion of your privacy, or a bit like the end of The Dark Knight, but if I keep a watch on such things, I can find out who reads this blog and adjust my content accordingly. Some of you, by the way, might be in a little trouble if the police ever come a'knocking. I'd keep your computer away from PC World, that's all I'm sayin'.

This post, I'm going to use as a sort of FAQ, answering a few questions that have come up recently and providing a few requests. Because I'm nice like that. Who knows, it might become a regular feature. (Otherwise, feel free to ask me anything on Formspring or something, like the fifteen year old girl I am at heart). Below, the best keyword searches and then, my answers.

Q:) When did they find the Titanic?

A:) September 1st, 1985, by Newfoundland.

Q:) Who was the other test monkey in Planet Of The Apes?

A:) There were three - Caesar, Bright Eyes and Koba.

Q:) Which 4 minutes were cut from A Serbian Film?

A:) Parts of individual scenes, mostly those involving children.

Next up, someone asked for some Captain America jokes. (Q:) What do you call a black Captain America? (A:) Captain America, you racist. The rest are all puns on him being shot in the head and jokes about Chris Evans the crap English TV personality. Anyway, the best joke (well, more one-liner) about Captain America is the one the man made himself in The Ultimates, whilst punching an alien Nazi to death. Someone tells him to surrender, and Cap says:

He's here all day folks. If Joss Whedon doesn't include that line in The Avengers, I swear to god he is dead to me.

A lot of the following keyword searches come from kinky buggers looking for something to tickle their fancies. Megan Fox in bondage, mostly, but also Zooey Deschanel, Suzi Lorraine, Liv Tyler and Gemma Arterton in the same sort of situation. But it's not all boobs and bondage, for a few of you were looking for Timothy Olyphant "his balls" and Wentworth Miller's body.

A couple more FAQs now:

Q:) 5150 Elm's Way spoilers

A:) They play chess.

Q:) Skyline the movie is so stupid reviews

A:) Agreed.

Q:) Best Star Trek cats

A:) The only one I really know is Spot, Data's kitty.

Q:) Humains movie spoiler

A:) It was Fred Flintstone what done it.

Furthermore, the Killer Tiger movie you're looking for is called Burning Bright. And yes, Titanic 2 is a real film. It also accounts for at least 10% of the traffic to this site, so I guess I'm glad it exists. Sadly I have no 'zombie tickle torture' for you, nor any 'Hillbilly rape comics'. And now, presenting the two most requested images:

Deanna Troi cake and Harvey Keitel's penis. What is wrong with you people?

Keep 'em coming, google searchers.