I got an Iphone. Also, reviews.

Less a set of reviews and more an excuse to brag about the fact that I bought an Iphone this week, joining the masses just like Commander Riker in that episode of Star Trek where everyone gets addicted to a fancy Nintendo except Wesley Crusher. I wish I could say that I was brainwashed into it, but I always wanted an Iphone, just never had the money for it. Well this week, I also got made redundant, and with that came an obscenely large redundancy package. It's like getting paid to quit a job I hated. With that money, I bought an Iphone.

Being a horror idiot, the first two things I did were to download some Friday The Thirteenth wallpaper and then type 'Evil Dead' into an apps search. They do have an app for that, as it happens. Two apps; Evil Dead and Army Of Darkness.

Ash has never looked so cute as he does in the Evil Dead game, with speech bubbles and a wee bobble head. The interface takes some getting used to, using your thumbs to both move Ash and aim his boomstick. Even after an hour or so of playing, I found myself screwing up with some regularity. Better is the axe and chainsaw. Ash doesn't just have Deadites to worry about, but evil trees, bitey plants and angry monks too. There are two story modes - the plot of the first Evil Dead film and then something called 'winter'. Which is a sequel set in the snow and with evil monks trying to kill you and steal the Necronomicon. I'd rather they just did the plot of Evil Dead II, but this weird sequel is fun enough. For something under £3, Evil Dead is well worth a playthrough. Although Bruce Campbell doesn't do any voice effects, which is a shame. Especially when one considers that the game is marketed as official.

Army Of Darkness is both free and a lot more addictive than Evil Dead. It's a side-scrolling bit in which you have to defend your castle against an army of the dead. In addition to Ash, you can call upon soldiers to help you, as well as other characters from the film. It's repetitive but incredibly addictive. Even better, it uses soundbytes from the movie and has you twatting skeletons with a chainsaw hand. Where I may never play Evil Dead again, I possibly will never stop playing Army Of Darkness. For a mobile phone game, it has better graphics than the movie itself. You earn coins by holding back the hordes of Deadites; coins which you spend on upgrades and troops. You can buy a pit to throw the monsters in and when Ash shouts "klaatu, barada... necktie" a little necktie appears around his neck. The game is full of nice wee touches like that.

It's getting to the stage where I get angry whenever someone calls or texts me. Damn reality, getting in the way of my Evil Deadding.


  1. An iphone? You are now officially an annoying poser. Just remember to look up from that thing once in a while and converse with the rest of us humans. :)

    No app-store required!
    What you do, right, is go onto your Internet browser and type in http://porkhead.blogspot.com
    And you're ready to go!

    Haha, I know, using it comes laden with a sense of self-loathing (a different kind than the usual) eased only by the fact that I do have Evil Dead games and hundreds of Meat Loaf albums on there.