The Tortured

Director: Robert Lieberman (2010)
Starring: Jesse Fucking Metcalfe, Erika Fucking Christensen, Bill Moseley
Find it: IMDB, Amazon

A dishonest piece of torture bollocks reprieved by being only 78 minutes long and allowing Bill Moseley to have fun with a glorified cameo. The Tortured sees a pair of parents (Fucking Metcalfe and Fucking Christensen) turn torturers when their son is kidnapped and murdered by Bill Moseley's psychopath. That's pretty much all there is to it, save for too many flashbacks, too much Jesse Metcalfe pretending to act and a stupid, stupid twist that I saw coming by about, oh, the 20 minute mark. When your whole movie's final piece is predicated on a twist, you might wanna make sure that it's not a shitty one. Even if I hadn't guessed it, it's a stupid twist.

Also stupid: the stupid cast (except for Bill Moseley, who is the movie's saving grace). And especially the presence of Sexy Gardner from off've Desperate Housewives. He's woefully miscast as the grieving father. Erica Christensen is perfectly bland as the wife. It's a good job Moseley shares few scenes with the pair. I've a feeling he'd embarrass them offscreen with his actual acting. It's a novel approach.

If dealing with the movie's bland banality wasn't bad enough, there's also its incredible dishonesty. The gas mask contraption which appears on all of the flick's posters never appears once. The man on the back cover isn't even in the film. I'm sure none of this would make much of a difference, but it shows how little anyone involved cared about The Tortured. Which is fine. I don't care about The Tortured either.

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