Midgets vs Mascots

Director: Ron Carlson (2011)
Starring: Richard Howland, Akie Kotabe, Gary Coleman
Find it: IMDB, Amazon

It looks and sounds like an extended Jackass/Trigger Happy TV sketch, but Midgets Vs Mascots is a real movie with actors and everything. It also stars the late Gary Coleman and is possibly the most surreal thing I've seen since - well, Jackass or Trigger Happy TV. Some midgets (midgets) and some mascots (mascots) compete to win 10 million dollars by undergoing a series of increasingly ridiculous and dangerous trials. Who is better? Midgets? Or mascots? Never mind that. You'll be too distracted by Gary Coleman's massive schlong to worry about anything else.

It's not horror, but is cult enough to earn it a place amongst the Review Hole's pantheon of reviews. Look at the title. It couldn't be any more cult if it starred Bruce Campbell. Midgets Vs Mascots doesn't star Bruce Campbell, but it does have Gary Coleman in it. Granted, it's an odd experience watching this film after the star's demise - the actor's troubled private life at odds with the jokes and slapstick.

The whole thing is filmed in a faux-documentary style, like The Office, but with more knob gags and vomiting. Fighting over a deceased Hugh Hefner type's cash legacy, 10 midgets (or 'small people' as they insist on being called in the movie) and mascots take part in a bunch of Jackass style challenges. My money is on the midgets, for what it's worth.

It starts off looking like the worst thing ever. The acting is amateurish and the jokes unfunny. But then, just as the challenges begin, Midgets Vs Mascots becomes a far more enjoyable piece. A man in a gigantic rubber head is gored by a bull. That scored the first gut-laugh from me. Then everyone sits in a restaurant puking everywhere, and I was fully on board. There's also people being witlessly punched in the face, an uncomfortable sex scene with Coleman, a shower scene that puts Eastern Promises to shame and a Queen song. True story, filmmakers: if you put Queen on your soundtrack, I will instantly award you at least one Screamy Scream Queen.

It's far from the funniest thing ever, but has heart and isn't quite the exploitative bad taste feature one might expect. The jokes are near to the knuckle, but the 'midgets' aren't quite the butt of the joke you might think. It rambles a bit, some jokes don't work - and nor does a last-minute cameo from an unexpected face - but overall, I enjoyed Midgets Vs Mascots. Be honest, though. Did you even bother to read this review? Like me, you were already on board as soon as you read the title.


  1. I was completely on board as soon as I read the title. Can not wait to see this. Apologies for my recent absence, by the way, I've had the stupidest foot ailment in the history of the world, and I suck. Off to catch up on all the great stuff you've posted that I've shamefully missed.

  2. O you've not missed much. Just reviews of movies that have already been out for aaages and the usual nonsense. I've probably been slacking off lately and should make more of an effort with this blogging lark. Good to have you back.

    Also, you definitely should see Midgets Vs Mascots. It occasionally even lives up to its own promise.