Hunky man-crush Timothy Olyphant (The Crazies, Perfect Getaway) plays the eponymous bald barcoded Hitman. Despite looking like a Tory politician, Hitman - AKA Agent 47 - is a consumate badass. He's not quite as cold and cruel as the videogame character - but then, I did spend most of my time murdering hapless butlers/chauffers/mailmen, undressing them and dumping them down storm drains. Also cut from the movie: the numerous fuck-ups, dull wandering and sneaking around, and the epic failures that comes with being a completely inept gamer. Olyphant's Hitman is far less useless than I was, and it makes for a far more entertaining cinematic experience. Heck, I'm so terrible at the Hitman games that only Uwe Boll could do it justice.
There's a plot, but only as much as they could get away with inbetween set-pieces and hyperkinetic fight scenes. Agent 47 is employed to assassinate Russian president Belicoff, only to find himself set up and pursued by fellow Hitmen, the Russian military and a pair of dogged British cops. For some reason I missed, he gets himself mixed up with Nika (Olga Kurylenko) and sexual tension/LOTS OF NUDITY ensues. Villain duties are ably handled by Robert Knepper (Transporter 3/Prison Break/Heroes) and Desmond from off've Lost. Throw in a bit of casual misoginy, a hilarious four way sword-fight and plenty of nods to the game, and you have a wonderful example of how a videogame adaptation should be done.
Fans of the game series should find a lot to like in Hitman, even if it is a movie that feels like it should star Jason Statham (no bad thing). It's the dumbest thing since the lunkheaded Brit's Transporter trilogy, and is as a result, only marginally less entertaining. I like how the supposedly super-slick assassin couldn't look any more conspicuous if he tried. And nobody ever says "dude, what's with the barcode?" Hitman is as good as a videogame adaptation could possibly ever be, and is never anything less than fun. If you can get past the relentless idiocy, then there's a lot of fun to be had there.