L1, R2, Freddy's Coming For You...

The only good thing Jackie Earle Haley has contributed to A Nightmare On Elm Street. And I'm pretty sure most fans will be pretending that they're playing as the Robert Englund Freddy anyway. I never thought I'd be writing this, but I'm glad I am: Freddy Krueger is available as DLC in the latest Mortal Kombat game. And as if that wasn't awesome enough (it is) God Of War's Kratos has come out to play too.

So the first thing I did after downloading Freddy was to fire up 'ladder mode' (a series of fights without any of that pesky cut-scene business) and commence slicing the shit out of the Earth Realms or whatever with Freddy's gloves. Yes, gloves. He's brought two, because he's serious about winning this Mortal Kombat malarky. There are about 12 rungs on the ladder mode, and I got Freddy's arse handed to me a bunch of times, but not once did I change character. Playing as Freddy Krueger in a Mortal Kombat game is even better than playing as Batman in a Mortal Kombat game. In fact, the only way it could have been better is if Mortal Kombat were to bring the Justice League back into the fold. I think I could probably die happy seeing Batman stomping Freddy Krueger's head unto Heroic Brutality. Once I wrote a fanfic comic book in which Batman fought Freddy. See, Freddy is bothering Robin's dreams, and the Dark Knight has to sort out the Dream Demon before it's too late. In the end, the Sandman turns up and banishes Freddy to nightmare hell. My own crappy fanfic is probably the closest I will ever come to seeing Batman fight Freddy Krueger. Whatever however, meanwhile, Kratos.

Obviously, it's hilarious watching Freddy slice the shit out of Kratos (and vice versa) but the most fun to be had in the game is in teaming the two together. A Freddy and Kratos sandwich, with some unfortunate soul in the middle. There's a 'tag team' mode, identical to the sort found in Marvel vs Capcom. It's better than Marvel vs Capcom in that the fighting is more visceral; every punch actually feeling like a punch. The best bit is in seeing Freddy take a beating and then, just as he's about to die, swapping him for Kratos. Like that bit in Freddy vs Jason where Kelly Rowland gets slammed into a tree.

Even if you're not going to play as Freddy or Kratos, Mortal Kombat is an enjoyable game. It's violent, addictive and incredibly gory. Following their disappearance from Mortal Kombat vs DC Universe (not even Mortal Kombat can convince stickler Batman to break his One Rule) the fatalities are back. And babalities too. I didn't even know there was such a thing as a 'babality' until now, but I LOL'd when Kratos did one. Although you might wanna keep an eye on Freddy if you're gonna have kids around. He's got skin like that for a reason, y'know.

The story mode is a load of cock though, full of unskippable cut scenes and people fighting for the flimsiest reasons. Play the Ladder instead; Mortal Kombat's story is dull, stupid and a chore to wade through. Neither Freddy or Kratos appear either. Shao Kahn is the final boss and says things like "it's official: you suck" and variations therein. With the apparent lexicon of an amateur blogosphere critic, I'm guessing that Shao Khan was in charge of deciding the title. "IT'S SPELLED COMBAT WITH A K, NOOBS. THAT MAKES IT SOUND EXTREME." Indeed. Otherwise, Mortal Kombat is extremely good.