The Raven

Director: James McTeigue (2012)
Starring: John Cusack, Luke Evans, Alice Eve, Brendan Gleeson
Find it: IMDB

Quoth the raven: "I lost it. I lost it all. Faith, dignity..." John Cusack appears to have little of either in The Raven, in which he plays the great Edgar Allen Poe. Or at least, that's what the film says he does. He actually just appears to be playing John Cusack with a beard. Edgar Allan Poo, more like.

Sub-faeces related pun: The Shit and The Pendulum. Inspired by Poe's horror stories (Edgar Allan, not Cameron) a serial killer stalks the streets, offing his victims in an increasingly vicious manner. The police enlist the author himself to help them apprehend the killer. When the killer kidnaps Poe's fiancĂ©e-to-be, the disillusioned poet finds himself doubly determined to put a stop to the crimes.

It wasn't really a promising concept in the first place (especially not with it being directed by V For Vendetta wrecker James McTeigue) but its execution makes it even worse. John Cusack gives the laziest performance of his career, letting his clothes and goatee do all the talking. Only Brendan Gleeson's beard makes any sort of impact. I fell asleep five times while watching The Raven and wish I hadn't bothered waking up to finish it.

Had I slept eternally onwards, I would have been lucky enough to miss the stupid, stupid ending. It's the worst MO for a serial killer I have ever seen. I particularly liked* the part when he threatened to fuck off to France and bother Jules Verne instead. The Raven is boring, stupid and probably offensive to fans of the poet. The best thing about it is that it's entirely forgettable.

Let The Raven piss off and bother my memory nevermore. 

*Word 'like' used very loosely.

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