Detour

Director: Severin Eskeland (2009)

Starring: Marte Christensen, Sondre Krogtoft Larsen, Jens Hulten

Find it: IMDB

Inspired by a true story. But more inspired by The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (particularly the remake and The Beginning). Driving home to Norway, Lina (Christensen) and Martin (Larsen) are stuck in rural Sweden when their car breaks down. A friendly policeman leads them to a house that looks just like the house in The Texas Chain Saw Massacre where they are set upon by (Swedish) Hillbillies straight out of The Texas Chain Saw Massacre. But instead of eating their victims, these Swedish sadists film their torture and demise to sell online.

From the premise to the 'twists' and secretly pregnant heroine, everything in Detour has been done before. Of course the friendly cop is in on it; the friendly cop is always in on it. At least R. Lee Ermey had the good grace to not even bother pretending to be friendly. Detour presents the least professional torture dungeon I've ever seen. Every five minutes victims are escaping all over the place. At some point you gotta take note and realise "this kidnapping lark ain't for me."

The run-up to anything happening is incredibly boring and predictable. It takes a good half hour for the car to even properly break down. When it does get going (the film, not the car), it becomes more enjoyable but hardly riveting. For the life of me, I can't remember what happens at the end. Answers on a postcard, people. Send them to another address though, because I'm not sure that I actually care.

"STFU. They might hear us. It's The Texas Chain Saw guys: they want their plot back."

If nothing else, Detour is proof that not everything with subtitles is groundbreaking or awesome. If you're thinking of watching this movie, I'd advise taking a Detour of your own: via something else.