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Halloween Resurrection

Director: Rick Rosenthal (2002)
Starring: Kung fu Busta Rhymes, Jamie Lee Curtis
Find it online: IMDB, Amazon UK, Amazon US

Halloween: Resurrection AKA The one with Busta Rhymes starts, for some reason, with the death of the best thing (Myers aside) in it. Yep, Michael finally gets around to killing sister Laurie. Fella took his sweet time. There’s no mention of whether he managed to kill nephew Josh Hartnett. One would hope so.

Whereas H20 managed to revitalise the flagging series, Resurrection makes you wish they hadn’t started with this whole sorry sequel business at all. It also pretty much killed off the franchise for a good five years, leaving an opening for Rob Zombie to refuck it again in 2007. Resurrection is the Batman & Robin of slasher movies, but without any Nolans ro repair it afterwards. The movie opens with Laurie Strode incarcerated in a mental home, hiding there from Michael and growing her hair to unflattering lengths. With a terrible bit of retcon, it’s revealed that Michael managed to survive the events of H20. The unfolding of events in the hospital aren’t too bad, but everything else is.

When Resurrection came out, it was a time when the reality TV thing was just starting to kick off, with movies such as this and My Little Eye. Sadly, due to a general lack of quality, it didn’t really catch on. Resurrection is set in the Myers household, where an Internet reality TV show is filming there. It’s not an inherently bad idea, but the execution therein truly is. The action is boring and predictable, the tension lacklustre and the acting is awful. Busta Rhymes essentially plays himself, whilst everyone else is flat and unmemorable. Leading lady Bianca Kajlich doesn’t even have a profile picture on IMDB, and has done largely nothing before or since Resurrection. An ironic title, since it pretty much killed everyone’s careers (and the franchise) dead.

As you don’t need me to tell you, Michael turns up and kills everyone. He lops off some poor woman’s head, cuts a few throats and stabs one or two people, but it all feels pointless without Dr. Loomis or Laurie to root it down in Halloween history. But at least Busta Rhymes turns up and performs the now infamous kung-fu bit. Who needs good actors and likeable characters when you got kung-fu Busta fucking Rhymes?

By far the worst-received of the Halloween movies (at least until Rob Zombie turned up), Resurrection is a terrible way for the icon to bow out.

1/5 screaming Scream Queens!!!

Piemen and tigers and bear-traps. Oh my.


Director: Jody Dwyer (2008)
Starring: Mirrah Foulkes, Leigh Whannell, Nathan Phillips, Melanie Vallejo
Find it online: IMDB, Amazon UK, Amazon US

Anyone who’s been following this site for a while will notice that I have something of a fetish for the backwoods horror (or Urbanoia) subgenre; be it Deliverance, Southern Comfort, Wrong Turn, the execrable Backwoods or Albino Farm, I’ve watched the lot. There’s something about seeing inner-city oiks on the run from axe wielding Hillbillies that gets to me every time.

Which isn’t to say that the genre is particularly fresh these days. There’s a credit crunch on, haven’t you heard? Skimming through the newest DVD releases, it seems that everyone’s off to the woods for a cheap holiday. But just as you begin to think you’ve seen every imaginable combination of gas station/bear trap/rape/shlock, something fresh and new comes along, reminding you why you keep watching this shit. Dying Breed is my favourite piece of backwoods horror since the Hills Have eyes remake.

Jody Dwyer's movie has all the familiar, tired tropes, but manages to combine them in a way that’ll have you hooked from start to finish. Bear trap kills are getting a bit stale nowadays, but Dying Breed manages to throw up the gnarliest this side of a Saw film.

Two couples head to the forests of Western Tasmania in search of a probably-extinct species of tiger. What they end up finding is the relatives of ‘The Pieman’ – a cannibalistic serial killer shipped to Australia during the days when it was one big prison. Yes, Pieman. Don’t laugh.

The couples consist of Matt and Nina (Whannell and Foulkes) and Jack and Rebecca (Phillips and Vallejo). Mirrah Foulkes gives a great performance as leading lady Nina (although I’m a sucker for an Irish accent) and Vallejo is fine too, but the blokes don’t hold up quite as well. Leigh Whannell is better than he was in Saw, but is a bit nondescript here. It’s an unremarkable, forgettable performance, enlivened only by a bit of melodramatic gurning during the movie’s final quarter. But everyone else pales in comparison to Nathan Phillips’ Jack. He channels his inner Jack Black to create the most annoying character since anything, ever. It’s bearable, but only just. And definitely worth suffering through for the later payout.

And what a payout. Dying Breed will probably be compared to Wolf Creek, simply because it’s of Antipodean descent (and because Phillips is in it), but it’s much more similar to Wrong Turn or The Hills Have Eyes and far nastier than Wolf Creek or either of those movies mentioned there. Axe kills, crossbows and bear traps reign supreme in the second half, all done with startling gusto. There’s a particularly horrible tooth-removal scene that’ll make you never want to visit a dentist again. Animal lovers should probably avoid Dying Breed too.

The later chase scenes are amongst the best I've seen in a horror movie, thanks to Dying Breed's wonderful enviroment (which recalls the swampy murk of the quite similar Southern Comfort) and the nasty yet believable pursuers. There's some neat little twists scattered throughout, and the movie ends on a delightfully cruel note that ensures Dying Breed will stay with you for longer than your average bit of backwoods crud.

It also has the greatest one-sheet poster I've ever seen, which instantly makes the whole thing worthwhile.

4/5 screaming Scream Queens!!!