Keith Lemon: The Film

Director: Paul Angunawela (2012)
Starring: Leigh Francis, Kelly Brook, Laura Aikman
Find it: IMDB

I laughed fifteen times. Given its quality, I can't, in all good conscience, give this film the 3/5 Screaming Scream Queens I'd give most passably amusing films. But then, fifteen times. That's fifteen times more than I thought I'd laugh. I can't, in the name of fairness, give this film the 0/5 Screaming Scream Queens most other reviewers would, or have. Fifteen times. That's a figure I just couldn't argue with. You see my dilemma.

Keith Lemon, for the uninitiated, is a British TV celebrity and fictional character, all at once; a less sophisticated Ali G or Borat. He's not really played by comedian Leigh Francis, as much as Francis seems to inhabit Lemon. When appearing as Keith Lemon, Francis is constantly in character. I preferred his Avid Merrion persona, but Lemon has his moments (mostly filth and catchphrases) and has certainly earned his place as the prize of ITV2's comedy mantelpiece right now.

Like Ali G and The Inbetweeners before him, Lemon's runaway success has propelled him to the big screen. Again like Ali G before him, the plot is a rags-to-riches story about  Lemon rising to fame and then quickly forgetting about his friends and family once he gets there. To be fair, friends and family are such a drag. I sat in the Premier seating in The Odeon once; by the time the film had finished, I never wanted to speak to any of those hobo losers I call my friends ever again.

It would have been nice if Francis had gone with a less played-out template for this feature film, but at least it's not Keith Lemon Abroad (probably the sequel). And besides, the film is mostly just an excuse for our crap British celebrities to have fun and maybe justify their pointless existences a little bit. The most famous person in the film is David Hasselhoff, which says a lot for the quality of celebrity here. Full disclosure: I actually  fuckin' love David Hasselhoff.

I had dreaded seeing Keith Lemon: The Film a little bit, and wound up watching it out of morbid curiosity alone. How surprised was I to laugh during the opening moments? And then again, moments later? There are plenty of Bo Selecta jokes, even if you're not too much of a Keith Lemon fan, and some of the celebrities aren't too annoying. Full disclosure: I also like Jedward, so that probably helped.

Why am I reviewing this here, though? You may ask, on a horror website, of all places? Well personally, I found it pretty damn scary, to be enjoying Keith Lemon: The Film. The discovery that you have terrible taste in comedy is a profoundly depressing one. And also, that scene in which Keith Lemon jizzes violently all over his own face is like something out of a David Cronenberg movie. 

Oh, fuck it:

Don't be such a fucking snob.