The End

Warning. Here be a great many spoilers. Now, I knows that LOST isn't horror at all, but I couldn't let the big finale of my favourite TV show of the noughties pass by without a few words. And by a few, I mean 'lots'. If you haven't been watching, then chances are you won't understand this review at all. I'm still not etirely sure what happened myself.

One thing's for sure though - The End delivers ultimate Jackface and a Star Trek-esque flying punch. Also, fan favourite Frank Lapidus returns in all his hearty hair-chested glory. Lapidus' return from the dead was all a bit convenient though, as it provides the surviving Losties with a rather neat way off've the island. But first, that pesky business of defeating Smoke-Locke/Smocke/UnLocke. He and Jack drop Desmond into the heart of the island, whereupon the plucky Scotsman pulls out the plug (!) causing the place to begin collapsing. Smokey is now able to leave the island. But also, he's mortal again. Jack chases him down, but is mortally wounded. Kate shoots Smokey, killing him dead. But the island's still breaking down. Jack bids farewell to Sawyer and Kate, before heading off to recork the island. He's accompanied by Ben and Hurley, neither of whom want to leave. Kate and Sawyer, picking up Claire en route, board Lapidus' convenient airplane and leave the island along with Miles and Richard Alpert.

Phew. Jack realises that he'll have to die in saving the island. He makes Hurley his successor as God of the Island (poor Ben - passed over again) and drops down the hole into the island's heart. He rescues a semi-conscious Desmond and replaces the plug. As the island returns to 'normality', Jack wanders alone into the jungle. Ready to die, he collapses. Making a welcome return, Vincent snuggles up at his side and watches him go. As Jack's eye closes (GET IT, THE INVERSE OF HOW THE SERIES BEGAN) an airplane passes overhead. And so it ends.

Sort of. But before that, something a little bit more slushpot. Remember the alternate universe? The flashsideways? Actually, they're not. It turns out that the other universe is actually the Losties' own purgatory; a place they could all gather after death and reminisce on the good ol' days. They're all there, re-united. Charlie and Claire, Shannon and Sayid, Sawyer and Juliet, Sun and Jin, Kate and Jack - everyone gets a happy ending. Even the real John Locke. The whole purgatory thing is explained to Jack by father Christian Shepherd (yes, that gets a LOL from Kate too) who leads his son to a Church where everyone's waiting. Well, nearly everyone. Michael, Walt, Rose, Bernard and none of the tailies were invited. As an old-school LOST musical montage plays, Christian opens a set of doors and the Church is filled with blinding white light. And they all lived happily ever after. Or died happily ever after. Either way, everyone's happy. And they're all together. Not quite "Live together, die alone" is it?

On an emotional level, it's as perfect an ending as one could ever wish for. It had me getting all misty eyed at at least three points (Aaron's birth, Sun & Jin's re-awakening, Sawyer/Juliet's reunion) and I might as well have been bawling at Jack's death. But plotwise, well, it kinda sucks. I still have no idea why Smokey leaving the island was a bad thing - nor why everyone cared so much as to whether the place sunk or not. Purgatory is all fine and well, but I saw that last week on Ashes to Ashes. Talking of which, why are there no black people in purgatory? And shit, surely Nadia is Sayid's one true love, not bloody Shannon?

Those niggles aside, I really enjoyed the last of LOST. It's an action packed, emotional 2.5 hours of TV, and one of the best finales I've ever seen. Sure, they didn't answer many of the questions we've been asking for years, but did you really expect them to? As a fan, I got what I needed: copius Jackface (dying Jackface FTW), Vincent, Rose & Bernard and the return of Frank fucking Lapidus. It's been a fantastic six years following LOST. As we all knew it would, the series bows out with one last big mindfuck of a question on its lips: well couch potato, what you gonna do with your life now?