Find it: IMDB
Find it: IMDB
Despite that fact, I love the movie - so much so that I'd call it one of my favourites of 2010. The cinematography and setting is incredible. It's a quite beautiful movie, from the gloomy Gothicism of the hospital to the natural forestry and rockery of the island itself. It's also quite amusing that Shutter Island's dream sequences seem to rival those of Inception without even really trying.
Director: Piero Schivazappa (1969)
Starring: Philippe Leroy, Dagmar Lassander, Lorenza Guerrieri
As the cover image above might suggest, The Frightened Woman is a movie so indelibly 1960s that it should be in a museum. Everything from the soundtrack to the costumes (check out that catsuit) right down to its flame-haired lead actress practically scream Austin Powers and free love. And then there's the extremely dodgy sexual politics which are as potentially offensive as they are ridiculous. It's an oddly compelling movie, if you can ignore the faults and some of the sillier bollocks. The dwarf, I thought, was particularly unnecessary.
As a documentary, Video Nasties is enlightening, passionate about its subject, intelligent, clear-headed (unlike the movies' opponents) and even handed. Some of its contents might be old news to some horror fans, and it might not be quite so effective to viewers outside of the UK. The doc's admittedly a bit short, but the set is worth collecting for the bonus discs alone: there are trailers for all 39 of the official nasties, plus another disc with the 35 that didn't quite make the cut. It even comes with a set of postcards emblazoned with some beautifully gory video art. I can't praise Video Nasties enough. Essential viewing for anyone with more than a passing interest in the history of horror cinema and censorship.
Yes, you too can stink like shitty Kevin Smith dialogue.
She is really saying that Batman gave her eleven orgasms. And yes, my mind assumed that wearing Dark Knight would give me the ability to satisfy women too. It doesn't exactly say that, but he bumf on the packaging reads that Dark Knight smells "like fruit" and contains cinnamon and water. Can't say I'd pictured Batman smelling at all fruity or of cinnamon and water, but hey, maybe that's why all the ladies like him. I was also a little disappointed by the lack of a real glass bottle inside. There's just a little plastic squirty bottle with a picture of Batman on it. Still, ever the optimist, I gave it a go.Also vomit inducing: my face. Sorry about that
At first, Dark Knight is pleasantly sweet and fruity. Not at all bad. A bit like water and cinnamon. And then it kicks in and it is all bad and it doesn't let up. Dark Knight smells like sweet piss. Dark Knight made me smell like a paedophile. It made my shirt smell so bad that I had to walk around for 3 hours in -2 temperature wearing a t-shirt. Dark Knight smells - well, like you'd imagine how Chris O' Donnell's Robin might have smelled, or, at a push, like Adam West's boudoir. Dark Knight is Joel Schumacher's favourite cologne. Grant Morrisson was probably definitely high on the fumes of Dark Knight when he wrote Batman RIP and that time travel thing that I don't understand. It makes even less sense that they put the Christian Bale iteration of Batman on the bottle. If Christian Bale smelled like that shit, nobody would take him seriously, sound man or otherwise. Dark Knight is literally the second-worst thing I have ever stunk of. Just behind that one time in a nightclub when I vomited all over myself. It's not even suitable for children. If my child wore Dark Knight, I'd lock him in a fucking shed. Because I'm not done thinking up punchlines yet: Dark Knight makes comic book fanboys smell worse than they already do.
Someone, I think, is telling porkies. No prize for spotting the lie in the below headline:
8. The Human Centipede: I think I remember saying somewhere that 2010 was the year of The Human Centipede, so I suppose it has to be on this list really, doesn't it? (Look here)
7. The Taint: An incredible tour-de-force of violence, gore, spunk and everything that makes horror good. (It's over here)
6. Scott Pilgrim vs The World: A fun, funny, funky film with lashings of wit, charm, romance and great performances from some unlikely sources. The second most heartwarming thing you'll see all year.
4. Inception: Christopher Nolan's Matrix mindfuck movie.
1. Kick-Ass: Kick ass. (Kick some more ass here and here)
Happy New Year all, and thanks for reading.