Like its killers, Open House is an effective if predictable and slightly dull psychothriller. There's very little at play other than a pair of serial killers and that girl off've Flight of the Conchords being menaced. Being quite the fan of Flight of the Conchords, I found this quite distracting. In fact, I had to pause the movie two or three times just to go youtube the videos in which she appears. Anyway. Tricia Helfer has some sort of job which involves her leaving the house and Camp Serial Killer Man is a writer. This allows him to spend his days - his Business Time*, if you will - torturing poor Rachel Blanchard and murdering her window cleaners. Open House is the sort of movie in which a lot of innocent bystanders get murdered for no other reason than to amp up the bodycount. It's neither noticably bad nor remarkably good. The acting is fine, especially from Blanchard (the most beautiful woman in any room*) but not enough around the board to make this rise above STD dross. Although it does give me an excuse to post this, which is always nice:
* If you get that reference, you are awesome and I love you.
The closest you'll get to any actual Stallone/Schwarznegger action. Probably ever
Thanks most kindly to Jinx at Totally Jinxed and Freddie at Full Moon Reviews for bestowing the Horror Review Hole with its third ever award. I'm touched, not the least because Jinx, Fred and their blogs really rather rock. Thanks dudes. There are rules, because nothing ever comes for free. List ten things that make you joyous, and then pass it on to ten people. This may be quite difficult. I'm not really the sort of person that gets 'joyous' about things, but we'll give it a go.
1. HORROR MOVIES
3. My family & friends
4. William Shakespeare
5. Queen. See also Cash, Bowie, Meatloaf and ELO
6. Booze, Haribos and fried eggs.
7. Nicolas Cage in The Wicker Man
8. That episode of Futurama when Fry gets infested with parasites. *sobs*
9. Slaughtering & peeling your horse in Red Dead Redemption
10. Zooey Deschanel
It was actually a toss-up (don't be so filthy. Not that kind of toss-up) between her and Timothy Olyphant. But I'll take any excuse I can get to post pictures of Zooey Deschanel. A true admission: I'm incapable of watching Zooey's movies (Elf, for example) without getting all angry and wanting to punch Will Ferrell in the face. Not because I dislike Ferrell, but rather I can't stand seeing my Zooey with another man. *double sobs*
And now for the blogs. Or rather, now for laziness. If you can find yourself on our links page, then the award's yours. I know, it's a half arsed job. But I'm a half arsed kinda person.
9. Shark - Shark.
6. Hammerhead - Spider-man. I'm not entirely sure that having a really flat head is a super power as such, but y'know.
5. That one good joke in My Super Ex Girlfriend
3. Mega Shark - Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus
1. Jaws - Jaws. Obviously. Happy Shark Week, if such a thing exists and doesn't sound stupid. It does, doesn't it? Sound stupid, that is. Well happy Shark Week, anyway.
After her squiff-headed son dies in a silly camp counsellor related accident, Mother Voorhees seeks out vengeance against the horny stoned youths she thinks responsible. Bad news for Kevin Bacon and his chums, who find themselves on the business end of Not Jason's knife. As you should know, everyone dies but one. A youthful faced Kevin Bacon finds himself with an arrow in the throat, recieving the opening episode's best death scene. The reveal of Mommy Voorhees as the killer doesn't really ring true, but it did give rise to Jason in Part 2 onwards, so we'll let 'em off. And besides, it lends a slight Giallo touch to only see the killer's (usually gloved) hands. And in another aside, Betsy Palmer is at least scarier than the remake's Nana Visitor.