Yes, unless you've been locked in an underground toilet cubicle for the past month or so, you can't have failed to notice the fact that it's election time here in England. Who gets your vote? Gordon Brown? David Cameron? That Lib Dem guy? If you're an idiot, you might even vote for racist eejit BNP fellow Nick Griffin. But for those of you bored with UK election fever, here's an alternative bunch of politicians. Most of whom, despite being evil, could probably do a much better job than Gordon Brown.
10. Damien (The Omen III) - In this sequel, 32 year old Antichrist Damien is appointed to the post of Ambassador to Great Britain. Predictable Antichrist antics ensue. Probably the reason the rest of the world thinks us Englishers are all evil (well, that and the slavery).
9. Mayor Vaughan (Jaws) - Replace this with any small-town Mayor, if you like. A big ol' Shark swims up to the small seaside town of Amityville and starts eating its citizens. Reluctant to close the beach (thereby solving the problem but losing a lot of money), Mister Mayor instead decides to ignore the problem and hope things get better. They don't.
8. Ronald Reagan (The Tripper) - I resent including this President on the list. After all, he kills a bunch of irritating hippies with an axe. Some call it evil, I'm actually quite supportive. Nick Clegg take note. I would instantly vote for anyone who hacked Jason Mewes up with an axe.
7. King Kong (um, King Kong) - The titular King of Skull Island has no policies to speak of, relentlessly terrorizes his subjects, doesn't wear any clothes and is a bit of a lech. Probably best that he's kidnapped by Americans, then, and dropped off've the Empire State Building. A tad OTT, as far as regicide goes, but I bet his subjects at Skull Island are finding life a little easier. What sort of cretin lets a giant monkey tell them what to do, anyway?
6. Chancellor Adam Sutler (V for Vendetta) - A terrible movie, included only because John Hurt's Adam Sutler is so brilliantly evil here. His evil is perfectly highlighted when he has national treasure Stephen Fry arrested and (probably) murdered for mocking him on TV. You can make stupid laws and instill curfews and shit, but take our Stephen Fry? Talk about hammering the nails into the coffin of your own political career.
Now hosted by Jeremy Paxman, Prime Minister's Question Time was taking no shit.
5. The Master (Doctor Who) - Fresh from letting fascist Adam Sutler rule our wee Isle, Great Britain went one better and elected an insane Time Lord as Prime Minister. And not just any insane Time Lord, but John Simm; who looks evil even when he's playing good characters. The evil bastich steals the TARDIS, turns David Tennant's Doctor into a shrivelled old man and has John Barrowman relentlessly tortured. On the bright side though, he has John Barrowman relentlessly tortured. The highlight of his evil: murdering one tenth of the population and building a fleet of missiles and death-camps. Camps which we probably paid for with our goshdarn taxes.
4. Dr. Julian Bashir & That Scottish Guy (Doomsday) - A bit of a thinly veiled one, this. A suave, well-spoken British Prime Minister fucks things up real bad and brings about a Mad Max style apocalypse. After fucking things up to irrepairable proportions, he's then replaced by his dour, Scottish standby; who fucks things up just as bad (in case you didn't (a) know anything about Brit politics (b) pick up on the movie's subtle casting - I'm talking about Tony Blair and Gordon Brown, stoopid).
3. Jar Jar Binks (Star Wars Episodes II-III) - If you elect Jar Jar Binks as a politician, you pretty much have yourselves to blame for everything that comes next. I have no sympathy whatsoever. Rebel Alliance, you fucking idiots.
Yes, wesa can
2. Greg Stillson (The Dead Zone/The West Wing) - When a politician is so evil he scares even Christopher Walken, you know you should be worried. Unfounded fears so far, apparently, since on that West Wing thing, he seems to be doing a rather good job of things. Crisis so far averted.
1. Ned Flanders (Simpsons Treehouse of Horror V) - Smiley-faced Christian happy chappy gets into position of power: rules the world. Enslaves everyone. I shit you not, this is what a future under David Cameron will definitely (probably) look like.