All the Boys Love Mandy Lane


Director: Jonathan Levine (2006)
Starring: Amber Heard, Anson Mount, Whitney Able.
Find it online: Amazon UK, (not available yet on US DVD)

All the boys may love Mandy Lane, but as the titular protagonist of this horror movie cum teen drama, she comes up severely lacking. The biggest problem with All the Boys Love Mandy Lane is that its proverbial emperor is wearing no clothes. Yes, Mandy Lane is an entirely dull, charmless and humourless cut-out Scream Queen. If the whole movie weren’t devoted to her, she’d be just another attractive yet unmemorable horror movie heroine.

Mandy Lane is described on the DVD case as “The OC meets Friday the 13th”. I like how they say that as if it’s a good thing. For all its contributions to horror cinema (not the least of which is the iconic Jason Voorhees), the original Friday the 13th is a slow, fitfully boring slasher flick which hasn’t aged too well. And the OC is one of the worst television programmes ever to exist, anywhere. Combining the two leaves us with a slow, fitfully boring movie that is full of annoying, boring teenagers trying to get laid, interspersed with whiny American rock montages.

Indeed, this review was a shallow excuse to post nearly-naked pictures of Amber Heard

That’s not to say Mandy Lane doesn’t have its high points. The last fifteen minutes of the film are exceptionally good, thanks to a lack of dialogue and a girl being chased by a car whilst wearing only her undies. The acting is generally decent, if uninspired, and the cinematography is kinda nice, I suppose.

But I’m grasping here. Mandy Lane is let down by everything else. The villain of the piece is unscary, unimposing, uninteresting and a fucking whingy bitch, to top it all. All of the cast (no exceptions whatsoever) are tiresome adverts for (a) contraception (b) murder. I don’t know if you’re supposed to sympathise with any of them, but you don’t. You wish that the bad guy would just hurry up and shotgun them all in the face, before turning the gun on himself.

Overall, I’d say that this sounds like a negative review. That’s because it is. After all the hype I’d heard surrounding Mandy Lane, I’d expected to see something exceptional – or good, at the very least – and not another stupid Friday the 13th knock-off. From start to (nearly) finish, Mandy Lane is a disappointment.

4 comments:

  1. I'm becoming increasingly depressed with the US studio horror output and it's ability to take a decent premise and turn it into mush. Exactly how hard would it be to show something new, boobs, some artistic kills, boobs, and a decent plot line and character development. Did I mention boobs would help.

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  2. sorry mate, but I fell in love with this film's subtle and calm nature.

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  3. I have been trying to track this movie down since I heard about it being made. I don't know why anymore I've heard it really sucks. I don't like to buy movies unless I really love them or they are super cheap. So I guess I'll just have to wait till this one decides to come to Netflix to stream or some other service I can check out.

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  4. Thanks for the honest review. I've been suspecting for a while now that I should lower my expectations before I finally get to see this one. It's received nothing but *rave* reviews from the horror community that I've been assuming it had to be overrated. Plus, the plot itself doesn't sound like anything that I'm gonna be too crazy about anyway (never been a huge slasher fan).


    J.N.
    http://www.james-newman.com

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